“The clock costs £100 and is a special six-digit countdown timer which we will set for 17 minutes BEFORE the actual deadline – this is to ensure there is plenty of time to send the email application in.  If we manage to raise more than £100 then that money will go toward buying the deluxe version, which comes with audible warnings in the run-up to the deadline such as “Press the sodding send button man” and “Don’t leave it until tomorrow or we might end up being led by an amateur wrestler. Please help us to buy Steven this clock – you know he needs it – all donations will be gratefully received. Thank you.”