UKIP’s party conference in Bournemouth will end with a performance by the “UKIP Choir”. Guido is told that the budding sopranos, altos and tenors will be “multi-ability” – think the sort of against-the-odds transformation from tone deaf to passable that BBC viewers have seen with choirmaster Gareth Malone. A source close to the rehearsals promises: “It will be a sensation”. Beats the Red Flag anyway…