Simon Danczuk is advertising for a new parliamentary assistant. “Sex mad” spanking fan Danczuk, recently revealed to have engaged in a steamy unprotected romp with a 22 year-old on the desk in his constituency office – she said “I felt quite privileged to be in there with such a well-known MP. It was quite a turn-on.” Now Simon is looking for a “disciplined individual” to “provide extensive research support”. So expect late nights in the office…

Suspended from the party Danczuk has still used Labour branding to advertise the role, and says applicants must be “Sympathetic to values and aims of the Labour Party.” Also advantageous is an “understanding of Simon Danczuk MP’s work in his constituency.” It’s mostly desk work…