Milan, Paris, New York, Quito. All global capitals of fashion. And now finally one of them is coming to London. Legendary PR Richard Hillgrove is planning on organising a fashion show on Julian Assange’s catwalk (otherwise referred to as the Ecuadorian embassy) to showcase the nation’s sartorial exports. The event will apparently form part of a week-long fashion week to promote the country’s textile industry, playing host to some of the South American nation’s premier designers and costumes. Luckily for Julian, Guido hears the pale-rapist-locked-in-a-south-American-embassy-look is SO in this season…

Even better for old Julian, we are told that the creative genius and tax optimiser Vivienne Westwoood will be turning up to advise Quito’s fashionistas. Rumours that Assange will be appearing in Zoolander 3 are unconfirmed…