Readers will be well aware that the French establishment is going to great lengths to make sure that the upcoming Paris Climate Summit is a resounding success. Cars are being banned, climate-sceptic weatherman are being sacked, and tinpot Bolivian socialists are being cosied up to with reckless abandon. It is in this climate that the champagne industry has rather sheepishly revealed that, actually, global warming has been terrific for the production of bubbly.

Pierre-Emmanuel Tattinger, director of the eponymous champagne house, had this to say about the effect of climate change on his business:

“The impact of global warming in the Champagne region is that for the last two decades we have had hardly any major frosts. We have had much larger harvests and we have had largely excellent vintages for the last 20 years. So in the Champagne region, it’s positive. Even though I think globally climate change is a top priority, as far as I’m concerned global warming is the Third World War”

Guido can understand why he closed his remarks by warning about the impending climate apocalypse. It’s a wise idea to keep Mumm in the current political climate in France…

Why has climate change been so good for bubbly? Well the Champagne region in north-eastern France has seen a 1.2 degrees centigrade increase in temperature over the past 30 years, which has handily served to decrease frost damage, thus allowing for bigger harvests. It has also added 1% to the level of alcohol and reduced it’s acidity. Yes dear reader you did read that correctly: global warming is not only giving us more champagne, it’s also making it stronger and tastier.

Even the climate nuts have conceded that climate change is helping champagne producers. Just so everyone is Cristal clear on this: global warming is good news for bubbly.