Rubber Banned: Avid Javid’s Condom Comedy Turn

Sajid Javid is not famed for his easy manner in front of a crowd, though he had the right-wingers at the Conservative Way Forward summer party in stitches with the latest EU diktat to cross his desk:

“Talking about rubbish from the EU, I’m gonna give you an example. As Business Secretary, I take overall responsibility for negotiations involving the single market. Do you know, across my desk the other day, I got a brief saying the EU now wants to regulate the number of condoms you have in a packet. 

The Swedes are saying there must be five. They want one for Monday, one for Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.

The French are saying ‘non’, we want seven. One for Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, and one for Saturday and Sunday.

The Italians, they want nine! One for each weekday, and two for Saturday and two for Sunday. 

But you will be pleased to know that Britain has put its foot down. We want twelve.

January, February, March, April…”

Don’t be a fool, wrap your negotiating tool…


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Peter Mandelson tells Emma Barnett…

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