PMQs SKETCH: Cameron ‘Frit’ of Farage, Not Miliband

gallery_guido (2)

Eye witnesses in the press gallery had PMQs as a Miliband walkover, but television – reality, that is – told a different story.

You can tile up a number of screens on top of BBC Parliament and watch – say – lesbian spanking porn while listening to Ed’s voice and you can try turning over the words “Prime Minister Miliband”.

And it’s true – he has an engaging private voice. It’s got texture. It’s got a second, lower register. He can easily, gently, get down there. “Down there where the money is,” as Bing Crosby, the crooning seducer, had it.

And when he uses this voice, as he did, to talk about the Paris massacres… To put it as strongly as possible: I don’t deny it’s not impossible to think of Miliband as a prime minister.

But before the lesbian delinquents had been properly corrected, Ed had finished with Islamic maniacs threatening our civilization and started in on the TV debates.

Face flying, finger working, eyes darting to and from his script, mouth ballooning, and the voice wailing up into the altosphere.

Prime Minister Miliband. Suddenly it’s like Unsinkable Ship. Something that’s impossible, and if it does happen, sinks.

Cameron’s argument, insofar as it’s an argument, says you can’t have two minor parties taking part without the Greens.

Why was Miliband so frightened of the Greens? he asked. Even Cameron fans hummed at that one, some of us even hawed. “The more time he and I spend in a television studio the happier I’ll be,” he said.

That may be true. Miliband’s untameable face is worth 20 seats to the Conservatives.

However, Cameron may actually be “frit” as Miliband said. But not of Miliband.

TV debates, if they happen, will put Nigel Farage up on the platform with them.

And that is a man with a voice – one that reaches into the electorate further and wider than any of them.




Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Sky’s Faisal Islam on the mood in Parliament at the moment:

“It’s a totally febrile atmosphere here. It’s kind of like Game of Thrones meets House of Cards – and if you chuck in the Labour Party – Laurel and Hardy too.”

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.
Sunday Show Highlights Sunday Show Highlights
PMQs Sketch: Corbynish For Beginners PMQs Sketch: Corbynish For Beginners
Sports and Social Closed Indefinitely Sports and Social Closed Indefinitely
Bad Al Flips at Gisela Bad Al Flips at Gisela
Corbyn Goes Shouty Crackers Corbyn Goes Shouty Crackers
Hammond’s Banter Budget: All The Jokes Hammond’s Banter Budget: All The Jokes
MPs’ Security Costs Rise 1395% MPs’ Security Costs Rise 1395%
Royal Mail’s Tweets Deliver Truth About Nationalisation Royal Mail’s Tweets Deliver Truth About Nationalisation
Who Nicked Nelson? Who Nicked Nelson?
Will Corbyn Sign EDM Condemning Communism? Will Corbyn Sign EDM Condemning Communism?
Ban MPs from Sports & Social “Safe Space” Ban MPs from Sports & Social “Safe Space”
Sketch: House of Wrong’Uns Sketch: House of Wrong’Uns
Man Arrested After Churchill Statue Vandalised Outside Parliament Man Arrested After Churchill Statue Vandalised Outside Parliament
Heads Up: Parliament Tells MPs It’s Too Windy To Inspect Falling Masonry Heads Up: Parliament Tells MPs It’s Too Windy To Inspect Falling Masonry
Red Sky at Night, Jez’s Delight Red Sky at Night, Jez’s Delight
Arms Folded in Unity Arms Folded in Unity
Brake Misleads Bercow About Guido Story Brake Misleads Bercow About Guido Story
Gallery Guido’s PMQs Sketch Gallery Guido’s PMQs Sketch
Labour Reckon Civil Service Think Their Disarmament Plan is “Brilliant” Labour Reckon Civil Service Think Their Disarmament Plan is “Brilliant”
Gallery Guido’s PMQs Sketch Gallery Guido’s PMQs Sketch