PMQs SKETCH: Cameron ‘Frit’ of Farage, Not Miliband mdi-fullscreen

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Eye witnesses in the press gallery had PMQs as a Miliband walkover, but television – reality, that is – told a different story.

You can tile up a number of screens on top of BBC Parliament and watch – say – lesbian spanking porn while listening to Ed’s voice and you can try turning over the words “Prime Minister Miliband”.

And it’s true – he has an engaging private voice. It’s got texture. It’s got a second, lower register. He can easily, gently, get down there. “Down there where the money is,” as Bing Crosby, the crooning seducer, had it.

And when he uses this voice, as he did, to talk about the Paris massacres… To put it as strongly as possible: I don’t deny it’s not impossible to think of Miliband as a prime minister.

But before the lesbian delinquents had been properly corrected, Ed had finished with Islamic maniacs threatening our civilization and started in on the TV debates.

Face flying, finger working, eyes darting to and from his script, mouth ballooning, and the voice wailing up into the altosphere.

Prime Minister Miliband. Suddenly it’s like Unsinkable Ship. Something that’s impossible, and if it does happen, sinks.

Cameron’s argument, insofar as it’s an argument, says you can’t have two minor parties taking part without the Greens.

Why was Miliband so frightened of the Greens? he asked. Even Cameron fans hummed at that one, some of us even hawed. “The more time he and I spend in a television studio the happier I’ll be,” he said.

That may be true. Miliband’s untameable face is worth 20 seats to the Conservatives.

However, Cameron may actually be “frit” as Miliband said. But not of Miliband.

TV debates, if they happen, will put Nigel Farage up on the platform with them.

And that is a man with a voice – one that reaches into the electorate further and wider than any of them.

mdi-tag-outline Debates Gallery Guido PMQs
mdi-account-multiple-outline David Cameron Ed Miliband Nigel Farage
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