A passenger on the Leeds to Lashville party-train yesterday evening reports:

Irritatingly loud group of stag do lads been on this train the whole time, Ed Miliband has just sat down to chat with them. I'm so confused.

— Pip Mountjoy (@PipMountjoy) November 23, 2014

"I touched his bum, still don't know who he is. I'm voting ukip. Best stag ever!" – direct quote from the train dickheads.

— Pip Mountjoy (@PipMountjoy) November 23, 2014

Pip didn’t want to speak to the press so instead Guido has been forced to create at artist’s impression of how the scene may have played out. Altogether now: “We love to drink with Eddie, cause Eddie is our mate…”