PMQs SKETCH: “An Absolute Shar”

“An absolute shower,” (pron. “shar “) Cameron called them, the Labour leadership.

Perhaps he thought any more detailed attention would be to kick Miliband when he was down.

You shouldn’t kick your opponent when he is down. When your opponent is down you should gently bind him, place a careful foot on his croaking throat and  dismember him. Harvest his organs. Mummify him and keep him in your cellar. Your friendly smile should never lose its freshness while you work.

“An absolute shar” hasn’t had the effect Cameron was counting on since 1956.

There has never been a more ridiculous duo leading a major party than Ed Balls and Miliband. Their polling is pitiful. Their strategy woeful. They couldn’t be more insulated from their voters than if they were wearing gimp suits, boxing gloves and a This Is What A Feminist Looks Like T-shirt.

They are following in the tradition of Michael Foot’s Labour, “there will be no compromise with the electorate.”

That is no reason for assuming they won’t win the election.

Miliband went on immigration. The words were mashing around in his mouth – I’m pretty sure he had more teeth than last week – and you thought – “Why would he do this?” Why would he go out to play on UKIP’s pitch when he’s dressed in flippers and a latex helmet ?

Immigration is the thing on which he has no policy. He forgot to mention it in his conference speech. He’s instinctively in favour of it. It suits his multi-cultural mindset. It rubs the noses of the right in diversity. Everything he thinks about it is a decade out of date.

If he spent more time in Doncaster he’d know his views are seen by the large majority of Brits as what men in gimp suits think.

To help him to wisdom was Ian Austin. He told the House what the people of Dudley think. That immigrants shouldn’t be immediately eligible for benefits. That they shouldn’t get out before they had put in. That they shouldn’t be able to send child benefit overseas.

Those who haven’t seen Austin on the Home Affairs select committee will be unaware of his evolution since Cameron called him “Gordon Brown’s boot boy.” He is Labour to his roots, and on the side of his constituents against their abusive overlords. These range from multinationals to Local Education Authorities to – possibly, and you wouldn’t ask him to admit it – the metropolitan secessionists who have control of his party.

You could almost hear the hiss of loathing as he made his points.




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