Miliband Fails to Land Big Hitting Telly SpinnerFormer Mandelson Protégé Joins Team Ed

Ed Miliband has failed to secure a much needed broadcast news expert to help his struggling TV presence. Having doubled the initial offering of around £45,000, made back in March, Labour have had to settle for a former One Show, Politics Show and Westminster Hour producer whose previous image making skills honed Gloria Hunniford. Perhaps it was his experience on “Rip Off Britain” that tipped the balance in his favour. Labour were ideally seeking the services of a frontline broadcast news expert. Friends describe Matthew Laza as a ‘good New Labour man, through and through.’

Slipped in under the cover of the Scottish chaos and a royal baby six months late and hardly a hire to set conference season alight. One of the biggest obstacles to finding someone for the gig was that no one wanted to risk ruining their reputation for less than a year in one of the toughest jobs in politics – making Ed look normal eating:

Laza does have some image issues of his own, having recently gone a bit Bullingdon in an upmarket Manchester restaurant popular with BBC luvvies:

degrees-restaurant

Laza’s appointment comes on the back of his ‘old mate’ Gloria De Piero joining Labour’s election team. The two are said to enjoy a shared curiosity in German socialism. Though his bona fide New Labourism does not end there. The former NOLS activist is alumni of the Blairite €uro-loving campaign group Britain In Europe, Guido understands that Peter Mandelson took a special interest in personally tutoring a young Laza in every aspect of the dark arts…




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Noel Gallagher on Brexit:

“In England, the Brexit thing, it’s like, I can’t believe there’s so much noise about it… It was put to the people as a vote, the people voted. That’s democracy. F***ing get over it.”

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