SKETCH: Only Talking About Kids Makes Ed Look Grown Up

Consensual Ed. What’s that about? Again, he was picking a cross-party subject to consensualise on. It might from week to week be – Our Glorious Dead, They Died For Us. The Queen, God Bless Her. Those Evil Islamicists Are So Un-British.

This week it was Child Abuse Can’t Go On.

Good choice. It let Ed make his Who Will Speak For the Children? face. It stopped Cameron backing him into a corner and bashing his face in. And talking about children made him look more grown-up. Triple win.

And true, very few of us publicly support child abuse any more. But what a can of worms it will prove to be as the inquiry enquires. Cameron itemised the institutions that will need to be purged. The Church. The BBC. The NHS. Parliament. We haven’t really started to include the Police, the Judiciary, social services, aid workers, teachers, or one-parent families. Still, it’s a good step on the way for a society bent on consuming itself.

Back to Ed, consensualising. Voters tuning in would be thinking, “I like how non-partisan the Leader of the Opposition is. He is well capable of reasoned discussion, isn’t he? Thank heaven someone’s above petty politics. If only the Prime Minister were so mature. But, tell me, what’s that his is face doing? Aren’t there drugs to stop that?”

Having nailed the politics-weary, One Nation swing voter, Ed felt he needed to shore up his Tory-hating back benches and launched a railing reprise of the NHS waiting times statistics. He had proof in his hand that Cameron needed to “correct the record”. Things he’d said last week weren’t the case, and the House of Commons Library agreed.

Cameron read out the waiting times in detail. Compared with Labour – down, down, down, down. But what about waiting times in A&E? Half. Was 77 minute average, now 35. Down, down, down went Labour’s collective head. Ed wondered if he should have stuck to child abuse.

Tories rocked out, Labour trailed despondently. They really are thinking, “What happens if we win?”

PS: Speaker Watch. Disappointingly, Bad Bercow is leashed and kennelled. The Speaker is in a flight plan to May of next year when his re-election comes up.
He isn’t joining in the debate with his pirouettes, curtseys and Brucie-in-a-tutu routines. His calling is crisp and professional. He spits far fewer tacks at the Tories and laps at Labour hardly at all. He knows just how far he can go. His treatment of Chris Bryant’s accusation of a conspiracy to mislead the House was treated with indulgence, and heard without interruption from himself (many cries of Order! from Tories). Bryant is, famously, the Speaker’s Pet. And maybe they both got away with their public display of affection.




Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Jo Swinson on Chris Rennard…

“Vince — and Tim before him — have repeatedly, publicly said Rennard is not welcome anywhere near their frontbench team, even as an adviser. I remain deeply frustrated that he was not expelled from the party through its disciplinary process. It just feels wrong, and I do not want Lord Rennard to continue as a member of the party. As far as I am concerned, he is not welcome.”

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.
Majority Think Work Porn “Career Ending” Majority Think Work Porn “Career Ending”
Paperchase Faces Backlash After Bowing to Anti-Press Freedom Cranks Paperchase Faces Backlash After Bowing to Anti-Press Freedom Cranks
WATCH: Moment Stephen Kinnock Realises Corbyn Is Staying WATCH: Moment Stephen Kinnock Realises Corbyn Is Staying
New Scottish Labour Leader’s Old Boys’ Black Tie Dinner New Scottish Labour Leader’s Old Boys’ Black Tie Dinner
Labour Outsources Flashy New Website to Bernie’s US Consultants Labour Outsources Flashy New Website to Bernie’s US Consultants
Unilever’s Remain Ultra CEO Threatens to Drop London Listing Unilever’s Remain Ultra CEO Threatens to Drop London Listing
Hammond Re-Announces Existing Tory Housing Policy Hammond Re-Announces Existing Tory Housing Policy
Stanley Early Favourite to Win I’m A Celeb Stanley Early Favourite to Win I’m A Celeb
Sunday Show Highlights Sunday Show Highlights
Royal Mail’s Tweets Deliver Truth About Nationalisation Royal Mail’s Tweets Deliver Truth About Nationalisation
Jez “Doesn’t Do Dinners” Jez “Doesn’t Do Dinners”
New Tory Slogan: Building a Britain Fit for The Future New Tory Slogan: Building a Britain Fit for The Future
Unilad Deleted From Facebook Unilad Deleted From Facebook
Disgraced Gay Times Editor Is Labour Member Disgraced Gay Times Editor Is Labour Member
Yasmin Alibhai-Brown: “I’d Rather Be Mugabe Than May” Yasmin Alibhai-Brown: “I’d Rather Be Mugabe Than May”
Corbynista Rulebook Saves Lansman’s NEC Dream Corbynista Rulebook Saves Lansman’s NEC Dream
70 Million Reasons BuzzFeed Won’t Go Public 70 Million Reasons BuzzFeed Won’t Go Public
Sun Coffee Run to Broadcasting House Sun Coffee Run to Broadcasting House
Teething Problems for Salmond’s RT Show Teething Problems for Salmond’s RT Show
Hammond to Deliver “Real Action” on Housing in Budget Hammond to Deliver “Real Action” on Housing in Budget