10 Things Ed Shouldn’t Do on His Trip to Thurrock

awkward-ed
Ed Miliband is giving a speech in Thurrock this morning, the crucial number 2 target seat for Labour where the party have just lost overall control of the council after taking a battering from UKIP. What could possibly go wrong? Here is Guido’s memo to Ed:

  1. Do not, under any circumstances, engage in any public food consumption.
  2. Do not talk to real people – they may misfire on live TV. Remember Mrs Duffy.
  3. Do not bring Chuka Umunna with you. He is too cool and makes you look even nerdier when you stand beside him.
  4. Do not forget the name of the Thurrock Labour leader. He is John Kent. Maybe write it on your hand.
  5. Don’t console or get pictured with Clare Baldwin, the Labour Party councillor for Tilbury Riverside and Thurrock Park, she is under investigation for housing benefit fraud relating to properties in Tilbury and Loughton.
  6. Do not mention the fact that Labour’s Thurrock candidate Polly Billington used to be a BBC reporter for the Today programme and is your former taxpayer-funded special adviser, nor that she is a carpet-bagger parachuted in from South West London.
  7. Do not repeat what you said when Labour took control of Thurrock in 2012, that the result showed Labour was “winning back people’s trust and regaining ground”. That didn’t work out so well.
  8. Do not forget to congratulate Tim Aker on becoming an MEP. He is UKIP’s parliamentary candidate in Thurrock.
  9. Do not mention the fact that in 1996 under Tony Blair Labour swept to power in Peterborough, Swindon and Trafford councils, also holding Gloucester, Tamworth and Worcester. You failed to take any of these from the Tories.
  10. Do not forget to duck.

If you avoid all of these, you should be fine…




Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Interesting choice of words from Putin on Golden Shower-gate:

“People who fabricate and use fake news about Trump are worse than prostitutes.”

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.

Facebook

May’s Brexit Plan – Full Text of Speech May’s Brexit Plan – Full Text of Speech
May Speech: Briefed Quotes May Speech: Briefed Quotes
Labour MP in Grieving Gaffe Labour MP in Grieving Gaffe
Sion Simon Impersonates a Brexiteer Sion Simon Impersonates a Brexiteer
Oxfam Attacks World’s Biggest Charitable Donor Oxfam Attacks World’s Biggest Charitable Donor
Trump vs Corbyn: Who Said It? Trump vs Corbyn: Who Said It?
Hammond: No Deal and I’ll Make UK Tax Haven of Europe Hammond: No Deal and I’ll Make UK Tax Haven of Europe
Benn’s Brexit Committee Bunfight Benn’s Brexit Committee Bunfight
Prospective Labour Candidate is Dominatrix Prospective Labour Candidate is Dominatrix
Watch: Corbyn Not “Out of Control” Watch: Corbyn Not “Out of Control”
Real Brexit: Gove Sets The Standard Real Brexit: Gove Sets The Standard
Tristram: V&A Must Charge for Entry Tristram: V&A Must Charge for Entry
Stoke: Fierce Four-Way Fight Stoke: Fierce Four-Way Fight
Guido is Secure Guido is Secure
Latest: “Queen Backs Brexit” Row Still Rages on Twitter Latest: “Queen Backs Brexit” Row Still Rages on Twitter
Labour Lose Sunderland Labour Lose Sunderland
Sweariest MP Revealed Sweariest MP Revealed
WATCH: Tories Launch Nuclear Missile At Corbyn WATCH: Tories Launch Nuclear Missile At Corbyn
PICTURE: Le Pen in Trump Tower PICTURE: Le Pen in Trump Tower