“None of it mattered. No one was listening to a single word. Because we were all staring at the top of George Osborne’s head. At least I was. Roughly between the crown of his skull and the top of his eyebrows, something was just lying there. The Chancellor was talking about exports to China and all I could think was: “George, you’ve got something sitting on your head”. I was actually on the verge of jumping up and shouting a warning until I realised. The thing sitting on top of his head was his hair.
Not ordinary hair. Entirely new hair. As if someone had reached down, lifted off his old, bog-standard politico’s cut, thrown it in the bin, and stapled something entirely different in its place. This usurper hair was quite hard to describe. Imagine if you woke up and all your hair had mysteriously fallen forward. Think of those pictures you’ve seen of iron filings being attracted towards a magnet. The Chancellor’s hair appeared to have become magnetised.”
Osborne SpAds point out the similarities between their boss’ new hair and that of their new colleague Neil O’Brien.
In the interests of gender balance following this blog’s fashion reports on Miliband last week, Guido brings you Theresa May’s outstanding tartan suit worn during her speech this afternoon: