Burn More Fossil Fuels to Save the World

Life on earth will cease to exist and Armageddon will strike because of too little – rather than too much – carbon dioxide in the atmosphere, so say scientists. Astrobiologist Jack O’Malley-James of the University of St Andrews told the National Astronomy Meeting that as the sun grows hotter, more and more carbon dioxide will be taken away from the earth’s atmosphere, making the planet uninhabitable for photosynthesising plants and therefore herbivorous and then carnivorous animals. As things stand we currently have a mere two billion years left before the end of the world, though theoretically that date is being drawn ever nearer by the drive to cut greenhouse gases and so further reduce CO2 levels. Fire up the coal furnaces and get fracking to save the planet…


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Peter Mandelson tells Emma Barnett…

“I think that Jeremy Corbyn himself should search his conscience and ask himself whether he’s the best person to lead the Labour Party into the general election with the best chance of success for the party.”

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