Clean bowled…

Self-confessed teen-fondler Mike Hancock is up to his old tricks again. The randy LibDem MP for Portsmouth doubles up on his expense claims by serving as a city councillor as well and it’s in that job that he is now dodging disciplinary action over allegations of impropriety. Due to face a local hearing about his inappropriate behaviour concerning a vulnerable young constituent, Hancock produced a doctor’s note saying he was too unwell to attend for at least a month.

He was not however too unwell to attend an all-expenses paid junket in Strasbourg the week before, or front up a Sunday Mirror campaign last weekend…

Well you cannot accuse the LibDems of failing to pull out all the stops for Eastleigh. It now seems they have even taken to paying their few remaining supporters to make the journey to the frontline. “We can provide reasonable travel expenses, accommodation and £10 for food per day” they tell keen weirdy-beardy activists. If they lose and try to spin that the seat was not winnable after Huhne, remind them of this.

Pity those poor long-suffering secretaries and researchers of LibDem ministers. Bag-carriers working for Danny Alexander, Jeremy Browne and Lynne Featherstone have been sent on a course specialising in “dealing with challenging behaviour” over the last few months. Overall MPs have spent more than £10,000 on sending their staffers on the programme, all at the expense of the taxpayer. None of Gordon’s staff are on the list, but then they could probably teach the course.

As Guido reported in his Sun column yesterday – and the Sunday Mirror “exclusively” revealed on page 2 – Dave has been on a secret no photo-op visit to a food bank. The PM was regularly coming under heavy fire for claiming the six-fold rise in food banks across the country was a sign of the Big Society in action and eventually promised to pop down to one. Last week he wrote to Luciana Berger, telling her he had “visited a local food bank on 9 February 2013”. For some reason he forgot to invite the usual camera crew along…

You have to wonder what made outgoing young Tory chairman and wannabe MP Ben Howlett, who once publicly praised Gerry Adams as a “conviction politician”, think he stood a chance of becoming the member for Eastbourne. The seat was held by Ian Gow, Thatcher’s ally who was assassinated by the IRA in 1990. Unsurprisingly the local Conservative Association gave him short shrift at their selection meeting on Saturday. Better luck next time…