As Ed Balls let out a huge sigh of relief, having narrowly avoided decapitation from Tory rival Antony Calvert last May, he couldn’t help put the boot in:

“You can come along with all your posters, and all your leaflets, and all your advertising, but you cannot buy this constituency”

Despite having his office funded by the unions and a parliamentary communications allowance to fall back on, Balls made the wholly incorrect assertion that Calvert was being funded by Ashcroft cash, when the opposite was true. Calvert used YouFundMe to raise money from small donations from across the country that tapped into the low regard the Shadow Chancellor is held in. Now neighbouring Tory candidate Nick Pickles has digested the election spending figures and guess what:

Yes, despite accusing his opponent of trying to buy his seat, Balls spent £26,659 to Calvert’s £24,911. Has there ever been a sum he’s got right?

One thing is for certain, Balls is terrified now his seat has been put into play by an outsider. There is a very high chance he will lose it under AV. There is nothing Guido enjoys more than seeing constant Twitter pictures of him canvassing his ultra-marginal in the pouring rain every Saturday morning. This weekend he had to stoop even lower to beg for funds:

Please make cheques payable to the “Washed Out Celebrities and Transvestite Fund” c/o The Labour Party.