Ed Balls Campaign Diary*

All these bloody memoirs are being used to knife me as an anonymous briefer, Andrew Neil just quoted chapter and verse at me. Fortunately people are wary of going on-the-record so I can, ironically, turn the anonymity of the sources against the allegations. Alex assures me that people will believe me rather than half-a-dozen memoir writers, yet when I asked Sally if she believed me, she burst out laughing. Ellie just stared at her iPhone. Think she has cooled towards me. Morale on the team isn’t good.  Damian keeps calling offering advice, he told me to start campaigning for the Shadow Chancellor position. Damian isn’t exactly full of optimism nowadays.

Privately told Jaffa Miliband after the last hustings that I was advising my supporters to give him second preferences. He just looked down his nose at me blankly. Watson is telling Ed Miliband’s people that we’re going to put him as our second preference.  With the bookies giving me a 6% chance of being leader it is best to lay the ground work for a change of direction. When I told Yvette of my plan she gave me an ominous look and said “I might be going for Shadow Chancellor myself. You stick to running for leader.”

She’s right. I will be leader. I will. Won’t I?

*As leaked to Guido.



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Rowan Atkinson tells The Times

“All jokes about religion cause offence, so it’s pointless apologising for them. You should really only apologise for a bad joke. On that basis, no apology is required.”

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