Ed Balls Campaign Diary*

Alex and Ellie have come up with a risky new strategy to shut up those right-wing bloggers once and for all. Take their “Balls out” slogan at face value and show myself off to the world in all my glory. Genius idea, me on on Gok telling young men “How to Look Good Naked”.  After all it was as much me as Sarah who smartened Gordon up when he became leader. Gove would never allow voters to scrutinise him so closely. There was a look in Ellie’s eyes when she put the idea to me.

Got to be careful though. Have password locked my Blackberry, not just because of the voicemail messages from a sobbing Scotsman complaining I wasn’t returning his calls.

Taking Ellie to Coventry tonight, hope she won’t be too disappointed missing Gok and Balls on “How to Look Good Naked”.  Will have to rush back to take on Andrew Neil on This Week. Packed some of Gordon’s old pills and cyanoacrylate glue for the eyelids.

I will not blink, I will be leader.

*As leaked to Guido.



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Quote of the Day

According to the Mail, when Tory MP Marcus Fysh called Venezuela a ‘socialist experiment gone wrong’ at PMQs, Jeremy Corbyn mouthed:

“What a complete w*nker.”

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