Ed Balls Campaign Diary*

Alex and Ellie have come up with a risky new strategy to shut up those right-wing bloggers once and for all. Take their “Balls out” slogan at face value and show myself off to the world in all my glory. Genius idea, me on on Gok telling young men “How to Look Good Naked”.  After all it was as much me as Sarah who smartened Gordon up when he became leader. Gove would never allow voters to scrutinise him so closely. There was a look in Ellie’s eyes when she put the idea to me.

Got to be careful though. Have password locked my Blackberry, not just because of the voicemail messages from a sobbing Scotsman complaining I wasn’t returning his calls.

Taking Ellie to Coventry tonight, hope she won’t be too disappointed missing Gok and Balls on “How to Look Good Naked”.  Will have to rush back to take on Andrew Neil on This Week. Packed some of Gordon’s old pills and cyanoacrylate glue for the eyelids.

I will not blink, I will be leader.

*As leaked to Guido.

Seen Elsewhere

Tip offs: 0709 284 0531

Quote of the Day

Lucy Allan explains her positive comments about the Brexit Party…

“If EU elections are held, Leave supporting voters will want to vote for Leave supporting candidates… Usual party loyalties will be eclipsed by the Leave v Remain divide. It’s good to see strong candidates in the Leave camp. However, I sincerely hope we leave the EU before these elections are held so that we can move on and not waste time and money on unnecessary EU elections.”


Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.
Scruton’s Greatness Scruton’s Greatness