Ed Balls Campaign Diary*

Feeling rough this morning, might make it over in time for PMQs, but nursing a blinder behind the eyes. Think there will be a few more CLP nominations coming in after last night, the brunt of that lobbying was done by my wallet in the Sports and Social.

Who wouldn’t need a drink after having to creep up to all those provincials. I swear our driver John actually pointed at an aeroplane flying over. Had a few gins with Ellie on the train back from Norwich and then hit the bars. One of the best things about this campaign is no one can raise an eyebrow anymore about late night drinking sessions. I’m not “out all night”, I’m “campaigning”! It is just like the old days with Damian. Last thing I remember is getting a taxi, but Yvette wasn’t happy when I emerged from the spare room this morning. Apparently “that wasn’t the Big Mo” she was talking about. I’m still confused by this expression.

Had one of those awkward read-back-over-the-Blackberry moments over breakfast. Found this hilarious photo from about 2 a.m., but the rest was a little embarrassing. Ellie is a good girl, sure she won’t take those texts the wrong way. I was only being friendly and those stilettos did look good. I’m not too worried. She is very loyal after all.

I will be leader and my head will stop hurting, one day.

(*As leaked to Guido)




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Theresa May tells Bercow:

“Mr Speaker-elect, can I congratulate you on your re-election. At least someone got a landslide.”

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