Staying calm, doing deep breathing exercises, Yvette has smeared a dollop of surgical glue on to the back of both eyelids. Alex has come up with some dividing lines to take distancing me from Gordon which I have been practising with Nicola. Think it was best to lose the “I know what it is like to dodge a Nokia” line.

What can go wrong? Ten minute interview with Andrew Neil today at noon on the Daily Politics. This time I will not blink. I will not stammer. I will prevail. I will be leader.

*As leaked to Guido