Ed Balls Campaign Diary*

I’m still chuckling about those lines we put in Yvette’s article about why she “chose” not to stand. “We share stuff – including taking the kids to school. And he does all the cooking, shopping and sorting out the daily chaos of the house.” Gah. Despite her nagging, sometimes that girl can pull it off when she has to. Brilliant stuff. No mention of the nanny.

Nicola said we had to have a weekend like “normal people“. Most people I know wouldn’t consider a weekend in a caravan in the Lake District “normal”. It pissed down with rain and all I had was Eurovision to fill in the gaps between my anti-blinking exercises. Managed to read some of Campbell’s new diaries though, can’t believe that tosser had the audacity to suggest I “drivelled on endlessly“. What a bloody cheek? Drivel on endlessly? He should take a cold hard look at his last novel.

Campbell’s dig was no accident of timing, the continuity-Blarites are really getting on my nerves. Circling  like flies around the Miliband turd, everyone knows that the only “community organising” James Purnell is doing is as the covert campaign manager for David.  Purnell’s fluffer Sophie Sutcliffe is even on the staff. Seems I’m not the only one who has to rely on former MPs to be their campaign manager.

Beginning to miss the ministerial flunkies, had a bit of an embarrassment getting lost before an interview.

I’m safely nominated unlike that little girl Burnham, but the last thing we need is another candidate in the race. Some little freshman newbie has thrown his hat in the ring. I don’t know whether he will get the nominations but this Garner bloke already has a decent website. And videos. And he’s funnier on the Twitter. Where the hell is my website?  Watson promised to get it sorted, now it’s getting embarrassing.

*As leaked to Guido



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Quote of the Day

Boris Johnson was shown a trophy monkey head as he toured a room of illegally-poached animals seized by Scotland Yard. He said:

“What’s this poor chap here? Faint air of a … Labour backbencher.”

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