Ed Balls Campaign Diary*

I’m still chuckling about those lines we put in Yvette’s article about why she “chose” not to stand. “We share stuff – including taking the kids to school. And he does all the cooking, shopping and sorting out the daily chaos of the house.” Gah. Despite her nagging, sometimes that girl can pull it off when she has to. Brilliant stuff. No mention of the nanny.

Nicola said we had to have a weekend like “normal people“. Most people I know wouldn’t consider a weekend in a caravan in the Lake District “normal”. It pissed down with rain and all I had was Eurovision to fill in the gaps between my anti-blinking exercises. Managed to read some of Campbell’s new diaries though, can’t believe that tosser had the audacity to suggest I “drivelled on endlessly“. What a bloody cheek? Drivel on endlessly? He should take a cold hard look at his last novel.

Campbell’s dig was no accident of timing, the continuity-Blarites are really getting on my nerves. Circling  like flies around the Miliband turd, everyone knows that the only “community organising” James Purnell is doing is as the covert campaign manager for David.  Purnell’s fluffer Sophie Sutcliffe is even on the staff. Seems I’m not the only one who has to rely on former MPs to be their campaign manager.

Beginning to miss the ministerial flunkies, had a bit of an embarrassment getting lost before an interview.

I’m safely nominated unlike that little girl Burnham, but the last thing we need is another candidate in the race. Some little freshman newbie has thrown his hat in the ring. I don’t know whether he will get the nominations but this Garner bloke already has a decent website. And videos. And he’s funnier on the Twitter. Where the hell is my website?  Watson promised to get it sorted, now it’s getting embarrassing.

*As leaked to Guido



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Nick Timothy on George Osborne’s latest:

“Evening Standard editorials will soon be shortlisted for the Booker Prize.”

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.
All Smiles After Cabinet All Smiles After Cabinet
Who’s The Eye’s Telegraph Mole? Who’s The Eye’s Telegraph Mole?
UK Green Lobby Funded by Anti-Immigrant Multi-Millionaire UK Green Lobby Funded by Anti-Immigrant Multi-Millionaire
Tory Glasto Hosted by Multi-Millionaire Gambling Magnate Tory Glasto Hosted by Multi-Millionaire Gambling Magnate
Hammond and Treasury “On Manoeuvres” Against Brexit Hammond and Treasury “On Manoeuvres” Against Brexit
Osborne Lands Job Number Seven Osborne Lands Job Number Seven
Civil Service ‘Not Really Preparing’ For No Deal Civil Service ‘Not Really Preparing’ For No Deal
Osborne’s Latest Duff Analysis Osborne’s Latest Duff Analysis
Corbynista Journo Banned from Conference Corbynista Journo Banned from Conference
Sheerman’s Shameless Shilling Sheerman’s Shameless Shilling
Carwyn Jones Picks a Winner Carwyn Jones Picks a Winner
Red Robbins: May’s Brexit Supremo is Soviet Sympathiser Red Robbins: May’s Brexit Supremo is Soviet Sympathiser
Owen Goes Full Brent Owen Goes Full Brent
What Caused Rachel Sylvester’s Volte Face? What Caused Rachel Sylvester’s Volte Face?
Labour Moderates Screwed Labour Moderates Screwed
WATCH Boris: “I’m Not Resigning” WATCH Boris: “I’m Not Resigning”
Corbynistas Seek Right to Suspend NEC Elections With “Venezuela Amendment” Corbynistas Seek Right to Suspend NEC Elections With “Venezuela Amendment”
Osborne Repents Osborne Repents
Meanwhile on Labour’s Facebook Forum Meanwhile on Labour’s Facebook Forum
Heywood Breaching Cabinet Manual by Bypassing Ministers Heywood Breaching Cabinet Manual by Bypassing Ministers