Ed Balls Campaign Diary*

David Miliband has now re-launched his leadership campaign “formally”, what imaginary formality is that?  The skinny wonker has delusions of grandeur derived from still having bodyguards.  By my count that makes three “Miliband for leader” launches in the last week.  No sign of Burnham yet, let him launch first and see if he says anything worth nicking.

NEC is deciding the timetable for the Shad Cab and leadership elections this week.  Charlie is promising to twist a few PLP arms for me.  Watson’s mobile seems to go to voice-mail automatically, that shifty fat f*****r is playing a risky game, he was supposed to fix the NEC.  Maybe I’m being paranoid.

Thank f**k the Shad Cab elections will be scheduled for after the leadership elections, I’d be f****d if I bombed in  the Shad Cab before the leadership vote despite smiling like Gordon on Prozac and going on a tour of all the Unite-backed newbie candidates during the election campaign.  Canvassing in the wasteland that is my beloved constituency was depressing, fear PLP might be like some of those council estates, although hopefully no-one in the PLP will set their dog on me.  Wonder if I can claim for that suit on expenses?

Must re-affirm more, like the therapist said. I will be the leader. I WILL BE LEADER!

(*As leaked to Guido)



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Michael Gove to the Commons on Trident:

“The unilateralists opposite complaining today are in the position of eunuchs complaining about the cost of Viagra.”

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