Gordon's Bananas

Award for the most obscure story in this morning’s papers has to go to The Telegraph. Apparently Gordon is cutting down his intake of Kit-Kats, and replacing them with bananas. Sources close to the Prime Minister’s snacking preparation confirmed that he will now only eat Kit-Kats when under “extreme-pressure”. So that must be fairly frequently then.

Gordon better watch out though, too many bananas can have a dangerous effect. Eating up to nine bananas a day, such as the Prime Mentalist is reported to be doing, can cause a build up of potassium.  This can cause gastrointestinal problems, kidney failure or even cardiac arrest.

It is not known whether David Miliband has decided to try a different type of coup.




Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Dominic Cummings tells Damian Collins:

“You talk of ‘contempt of Parliament’. You seem unaware that most of the country feels contempt for Parliament and this contempt is growing.”

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.
Anti-Brexit ‘Renew’ Flops Anti-Brexit ‘Renew’ Flops
Robbins Hits Back at Brussels Robbins Hits Back at Brussels
Kremlin Pranksters Fail With Boris Kremlin Pranksters Fail With Boris
Corbynista Back Room Shakeup Corbynista Back Room Shakeup
Labour Live Causing Seizures Labour Live Causing Seizures
7 Cummings Truth Bullets For Brexiter Tory MPs 7 Cummings Truth Bullets For Brexiter Tory MPs
Gallery Guido’s PMQs Sketch Gallery Guido’s PMQs Sketch
Watch: Jon Craig Duped By Daily Mash Watch: Jon Craig Duped By Daily Mash
Boris Tells May: Get On With It Boris Tells May: Get On With It
German Firms Back Brexit Britain German Firms Back Brexit Britain
Zarb Referred to Disputes Panel Zarb Referred to Disputes Panel
Kate Osamor Plagiarised Maiden Speech Kate Osamor Plagiarised Maiden Speech
Ken: Seumas Wrote My Tweets and Never Told Me to Stop Talking About Hitler Ken: Seumas Wrote My Tweets and Never Told Me to Stop Talking About Hitler
Young Voters Now Prefer May to Corbyn Young Voters Now Prefer May to Corbyn
Ruth and Gove Blast “Dour” Tories Ruth and Gove Blast “Dour” Tories
Ken Resigns from Labour Ken Resigns from Labour
New Tory Treasurer is Director of 7 Companies With Overdue Accounts New Tory Treasurer is Director of 7 Companies With Overdue Accounts
All-Remain Peston Show “Kerfuffle” All-Remain Peston Show “Kerfuffle”
Top Tory’s Firm Implicated in Russian Dirty Money Report Top Tory’s Firm Implicated in Russian Dirty Money Report