Usually we only do one Jonah piece a week but they are just piling up this week and it is only Wednesday.  On Monday he called the Javelin train’s first weekday journey, “a momentous day in the long and glorious history of British railways” at the official launch of the UK’s first domestic high-speed rail service.

Of course the service failed immediately after; press reports tell us

High speed trains were cancelled and delayed just days after the full service was launched.  Several services leaving St Pancras International for Kent stations were disrupted after one train ended up stuck in a tunnel last night.  Southeastern spokesman Jon Hay-Campbell said: “We believe that the train may have been unable to draw power while in the tunnel but we are still investigating.”

No need to investigate, the cause was Jonah…

Jonah went to Copenhagen last night to warn the world about the threat from global warming, it started snowing.  Copenhagen is now in chaos, the summit’s Danish chief has stepped down, blame is being put on a certain head of government attending.

The Copenhagen police are battling protesters, third world countries have walked out in disgust and even Jonah admits a deal ‘faces problems’.  If we don’t get a deal the world is doomed Brown told us a few months ago. The sooner Gordon exits the stage, the better…