Guido’s guide to the lies you will be hearing:

“It has since been corrected” – I knew it was going to come out and it was such a blatant fiddle that I realised I had to repay the fraudulently claimed money before it came out.

“The Fees Office approved the payment“ – the Fees Office always take the word of “honourable” members.  They always make the payment without question.

“It was a clerical error” – it was a small fiddle.

“Lessons have been learned“ – we have got away with it, but we won’t do it again.

“We need to have two homes to do our job properly” – why stay in a hotel when we can build a property portfolio at the public’s expense?

“Claims were made in good faith” – we have always got away with it in the past.

“It was within the rules” – MPs make the rules to suit themselves. MPs are  lawmakers, judge and jury.  It is a joke at our expense.  They really are almost all at it.  Now we can see…