Guido turned up late to the Policy Exchange party on Monday, by the time he arrived the speeches were over and Basher Davis was very merry. He had just meandered over from the Institute of Economic Affairs’ clashing party. How did he find the way? “He went left, left, left…” In the circumstances Guido still felt it prudent to stay well out of the reach of his clunking fist.

Before regular readers complain about the lack of totty shots you should know that Guido was accosted by various gorgeous young ladies who berated him about previous totty watch editions. Such was the level of intimidation that Guido didn’t dare risk being battered to death with a Chloé handbag.

These were sent in by an anonymous co-conspirator.