Call or Email, Get on the Air…

It is Tuesday and that means at 6.30pm in the studio at Resonance, Piers Gibbon hosts The Knives Are Out, where Recess Monkey and Guido will be mocked by comedienne Hils Barker. Click here for the online stream from 6.30pm. In London tune into 104.4fm.

This week the theme is “Green” and we’ll have Sian Berry (pictured) from the Green party as our target guest. Guido thinks the Greens are the new totalitarians, with their anti-human agenda, so it should be lively.

Email questions for the show to or phone in your rant or questions on 0901 393 1044 and leave a voicemail for broadcast. Here’s the website. Here’s the miniblog. Here’s the itunes thingy.

Labour Whips Bring Out the Thumbscrews

The Labour whips are looking stressed this morning. Can the anti-War Labour left muster the 40ish rebels they need to defeat the government. In the past the whips have managed to cajole the semi-awkward squad into abstentions by playing on their unwillingness to vote with the Tories. The Tories have put forward their own amendment which will fail and they will then fall in behind the SNP/Plaid Cymru motion. Strangely there is some concern that the LibDems might not back the motion for some slippery reason.

The government is spinning that to vote for democratic oversight of the Iraq decision-making process would undermine the brave boys fighting for democracy in Iraq. So democracy undermines the fight for democracy? Well Guido reckons that they would like to know why they are providing target practice for sectarian insurgents before they start the civil war that they clearly are keen on commencing. “Ours is not to reason why, ours is to do or die” is not as popular a mantra as it was…

If these Labour rebels back the motion, which is based on EDM 1088 which they backed before, the government will probably be defeated.

Diane Abbott, John Austin, Lyn Brown, Ronnie Campbell, Martin Caton, Colin Challen, Michael Clapham, Harry Cohen, Jeremy Cohen, Jim Cousins, Ann Cryer, Jim Devine, Bill Etherington, Mark Fisher, Paul Flynn, Neil Gerrard, Ian Gibson, Kate Hoey, Kelvin Hopkins, Glenda Jackson, Lynne Jones, Peter Kilfoyle, Bob Marshall-Andrews, John McDonnell, Jim McGovern, Austin Mitchell, Linda Riordan, Alan Simpson, Peter Soulsby, Gavin Strang, Jon Trickett, Robert N Wareing, Mike Wood and Claire Short!

Loans Due

Just been on the phone with the Electoral Commission re loans to political parties. The returns are due in today (not as reported previously and now corrected). The taxpayers will be let in on the secret at the end of November. Can’t wait…

Gore’s Carbon Footprint

Couldn’t the government have got a local adviser, someone who doesn’t have to fly across the Atlantic to tell us, err, not to fly across the Atlantic? Just a thought.

Late Filings

Guido has been a little busy today. Fending off threats of writs and dealing with annual filings for his Irish interests. So he has some sympathy for the Telegraph, who have to file their annual return in 1 minute or be in breach of the law. Look Daddy, I shrunk the company!

Staying on this theme the Electoral Commission was supposed to receive the details of loans made to political parties by September 6th tomorrow, usually the unwashed taxpayers get to see the filings a fortnight later. Still no sign. Whassup?

Self Analysis

Things Guido has learnt from drilling down the site analytics:

  1. Tory Totty was the most popular story this month.
  2. Lembit Opik Has a Secret was the most popular story last month.
  3. Fifty Tory Applicants for New Seat was the most popular story this year.
  4. Last month the daily average number of page views was over 10,000.
  5. Two thirds of you still use Microsoft’s IE versus a quarter using Firefox.
  6. Iain Dale (5.99%) followed by ConservativeHome (3.14%) are the top referring sites this year (excluding Google searches at 19.9%).
  7. Top search referrals this year (after variations on Guido) are “Sheridan” and “Ruth Turner”.
  8. 30,900 co-conspirators have visited the site over 200 times this year.
  9. On average some 200,000 visitors come at least once a week.
  10. 124,000 came to the site once in 2006 and never returned.

Radio Show Tomorrow Goes Green

Tomorrow it is Tuesday and that means at 6.30pm in the studio at Resonance, Piers Gibbon hosts The Knives Are Out, where my old foe Recess Monkey argues and gossips with Guido, mocked by comedienne Hils Barker. This week the theme is “Green” and we’ll have someone from the Green party as our target guest.

Listen to last weeks show here. Email questions for the show to or phone in your rant or questions on 0901 393 1044 and leave a voicemail for broadcast.

Iraq Motion for Tomorrow, Opportunity Knocks for the Opposition

Conduct of Government Policy in relation to the war in Iraq and its aftermath
That this House will establish a select committee of seven honourable Members, being members of Her Majesty’s Privy Council, to review the way in which the responsibilities of Government were discharged in relation to Iraq and all matters relevant thereto, in the period leading up to military action in that country in March 2003 and in its aftermath.

If the Liberals abstain or vote against then they look like hypocrites for voting against a motion many have signed as an EDM. If the Conservatives seize the opportunity to pull a rabbit out the hat and vote for it, the number of Labour rebels might tip the balance against the government.

The Tories would not be voting against the war, but for scrutiny of the policy and the lead up to the military action. Claire Short is expected to speak in the debate (as an independent), the Labour backbenchers who feel they were hoodwinked into supporting the invasion may well vote for the establishment of a Select Committee. It would be illogical for supporters of John McDonnell not to vote with the SNP…

Is It Really Cornerstone Wot Won It?

Over on ConservativeHome the defeat of the hell-bound over faith schools focuses on the role of Cornerstone’s headbanging gang. No mention of Vincent Nichols, the Catholic Archbishop of Birmingham, who said the quota plan was “unacceptable” and fronted the Catholic uprising against the government.

So who do you think featured first in Alan Johnson’s calculations? John Hayes’ little clique, or millions of Catholic voters in Labour seats? The quota plan was supported by Cameron and originally advanced by a Tory, Lord Baker. The defeat is as much a defeat for the Conservatives as it is for Johnson.

Guy News TV : Another Sion “Simple” Simon Mash-Up

Loony Left Want Second Home Ban

“If the Government were serious about this problem, they would give local authorities the power to tackle excess second home ownership. They have totally failed to discourage this practice, and must act now.”

Nationalise second homes! Expropiate their property! Workers unite! Who said this crap? George Galloway? Dennis Skinner? Arthur Scargill? Hardly liberal is it? Oh, it is.

“Just Like You” Mash Up

Looks Like the Wedding is Off for Sian and Lembit

Sad, but unsurprising, news reaches Guido’s cellar that 48 year-old Sian is no longer wearing the engagement ring that Lembit (41) gave her. So she is apparently Social, Welsh, Sexy and single.
Lembit has been social throughout their relationship, which has resulted in some storms. Guido has despaired that the wedding would never happen for sometime. Time methinks to put that catsuit on again Sian..

If she does get a bit lonely this new limited edition product should rekindle some memories…

Picture Credit : Theo Spark
UPDATE : She is, according to watchers of her latest broadcast, wearing the engagement ring again. So when can we can look forward to the wedding?

LibDem’s Bung May Be Needed Soon

Tory and Labour loyalists will never eat another fruit pastille again after the Rowntree Trust recently bunged the Libdems £2m to help out with their troubles. A bung of this scale suggests to Guido that LibDem sympathisers have infiltrated the Rowntree Trust to such an extent that it has become a fellow-travelling organisation.

The money is earmarked to balance up our tilted democracy blah blah blah, more likely it will be needed to pay off the dirty money defrauded by the LibDems biggest donor. The Electoral Commission has put out a statement

“Under section 58 of the Political Parties and Referendums Act 2000, the commission has the power to apply to a court for forfeit to the Consolidated Fund an amount equal to the value of any impermissible donation.

“We are considering the evidence and expect to reach a decision on whether to apply for such an order in the next few weeks.”

The LibDems are bleating that

“Our independent auditors, having seen legal advice, have been satisfied that we do not need to make any provision for repayment of these funds.”

They must be the same auditors who calculated Charlie Kennedy’s election losing Local Government Financing Plans…

Friday Caption Contest

Support the Strike! Break the Strike!

Guido hears that the lowly paid hacks at Guardian Online have received letters outlining what their individual salary will be if the pay offer is accepted. The NUJ says: “It is highly regrettable that management decided to bypass the chapel and send individual letters offering cash which until now has not been forthcoming during the pay round. We have not seen a copy of the letter and cannot comment on its contents.”

Clearly the Guardian’s bosses are determined to break any strike by going around the union. Guido has offered to round up a crack team of bloggers for Georgina Henry to scab in the event of a strike. Successful bloggers like Tim Worstall, Devil’s Kitchen, Dizzy, who knows maybe some of the boys at Samizdata might help if Georgina asks nicely. These are all proven writers who would bring a different perspective and a high traffic following. Given how much traffic share Comment is Free gets in comparison to say Iain Dale and Guido, it will probably give them a boost. Of course we would need to be on the same daily rate as Alan Rusbridger…

Papists 1, Johnson 0

Alan Johnson has dropped plans to make Roman Catholic schools take a quarter of their intake from the hell-bound. Johnson disingenuously claims that after getting the Catholic hierarchy to make the change “voluntarily” he no longer needed to use legislation. By “voluntary” Cardinal Cormac Murphy-O’Connor means after hell freezes over.
Only nine days until the country celebrates with fireworks an attempt by a Catholic freedom fighter to destroy anti-Catholic politicians. Guido will be toasting this victory over the Godless socialists this afternoon – “Ad Maiorem Dei Gloriam”.

Chris Bryant Writes for Guido!

They mocked me when I put my picture on Gaydar (why, oh why I chose those underpants I will never know). They mocked me in the valleys when they found out that I was a Tory at Oxford along with William Hague. Well they’re not mocking me now.

No. I have got Bindmans on to the mockers. Iain Dale (filthy homophobe) he got a letter. He took it down. Ros Taylor at the Guardian, they got a letter and they have taken it down. No, no, no. Who is mocking now? Frightened of me all of them. Nobody is going to write spoof diaries about me and get away with it. I am Chris Bryant.

Tom Watson Promises : I Will Never Return To Government

Guido ran a story yesterday (sourced from a person near to Tom Watson) which listed some of the people he has, by his own admission, embarrassed. It finished up with a claim that he was telling people he would be “back in government” when Gordon got in next summer. The source of that was the third party rather than Guido’s imagination as Tom seems to imply. Guido invited him to refute the story and he has stated unambiguously in writing that “I promise never to return to government.”

In which case Guido is happy to retract the claim and apologise unreservedly for suggesting otherwise.

Tom also has a go at my friend Iain Dale for making an innocent mistake about Chris Bryant. A mistake that provided Guido with amusement on so many levels. Iain quoted the Sun’s Katherine Bergen who quoted Ros Taylor’s parody of Chris Bryant, not realising that it was satire.

An easy mistake to make because Chris Bryant is beyond satire. Bryant threatened to sue Iain and demanded that his legal bills were paid for sending him a characteristically pompous threatening letter. Iain told him not to be silly and get lost – it was an innocent mistake. Bryant is now sulking.

What Watson?

Tom Watson’s constituency office is also the home of West Midlands Amicus Union (ex-employers of Watson). Relations have been somewhat strained between regional staff and Watson’s constituency office since his resignation.

He’s been none too popular, and this has affected even the family relations and been embarrassing for them.

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