Guido ventured out of his cellar in the Palace of Westminster onto the terrace for a meeting of the Catholic Society for Political Cleansing last night. We were celebrating the Glorious Twelfth. A few pints into the society’s deliberations, Gordon Brown ventured out on the windswept terrace. The smile was switched on. Guido felt for his wallet.

“Second time in two weeks” murmured one of the penitents. The “McDonnell effect“ muttered another penitent. “Amen” we all intoned.