Alastair Campbell is always ready to lend a hand at auctions when not signing death warrants for Dr David Kelly, sexing up dossiers and generally doing his bit. Twisted Genius Tim Ireland has a little wheeze to finance his sifting through the Labour party’s election receipts.

The manic prankster is auctioning Campbell’s telephone and fax numbers. The auction finishes next week. Don’t worry about missing it, Guido will warn you when there are 45 minutes to go.