Guido was up until the early hours of the morning gambling schizophrenically on the Italian elections. The prices swung like a swingometer on the Titanic, alcohol and the Italian political totty commentators were all that sustained him. Why do we get Andrew Neil and they get political presenters who look like they used to be in Baywatch a few years ago?

Guido bet just like a late night drunk getting his information from TV in a language he didn’t understand about an electoral system he couldn’t grasp. (It seems the Italians don’t grasp it either, Berlusconi is demanding a replay until he wins.) As if things weren’t bad enough Betfair is offline for a system upgrade this morning, so Guido has no idea how much he has lost. Doppio expresso per favore…