With only Lembit left backing him, Oaten has been frantically trying to figure out a way to avoid humiliation. (As if personally calling activists begging them to nominate him was not humiliating enough.)

The emails going astray and finding their way to the Indy are a mere sideshow, (Guido suspects an over-enthusiastic Oaten ally is to blame). Exiting gracefully must now be the priority. Despite still not having received my membership card (get a move on Cowley Street), Guido is keen to volunteer his speechwriting services.

“Ladies and Gentleman, despite having received hundreds of emails and phone calls I have decided to withdraw my name from the leadership contest and in the interests of party unity, our country and my career give my support to “

But will anyone actually want his support? His candidature has only succeeded in making him less popular than he was before he started.