Kiss Guido’s Politically Incorrect Arse

Looks like it will be another six-figure month here in the cellar at www.Order-Order.com:
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On the day they protest outside parliament against jokes becoming illegal, Guido is pleased to boast that despite upsetting a few of the most po-faced bloggers, this blog is still as popular as ever. Guido was found guilty of thoughtcrimes by the pc-blogosphere-inquisition and yet, infuriatingly, his readership remains loyal. You have to laugh at their ultimate sanction and know: they would have removed Voltaire from their blogrolls.

Darbyshires Endorse Whuhne

Let’s see if he lists them as his supporters. And finally, in other news they are adopting a cat.

Killed in Iraq : 100Funerals Attended by Blair : 0Wounded Visited by Blair : 0

Blair Heir : Picture Exclusive

Tory Confidence and Confidentiality

MORI in the FT yesterday has some 31% of respondents satisfied with Cameron’s performance, while 17% got no satisfaction. This gives a “net satisfied” rating of +14%. A figure identical to the satisfaction rating achieved by Blair two months after he became Labour leader. It is light-years ahead of what William Hague, Iain Duncan Smith and Michael Howard scored two months into their leaderships. Blair currently scores –21%.

The majority of LibDem voters (53%) say they are satisfied with the new Tory leader and just 14% are dissatisfied, a whopping +39% score. (Mind you, according to ICM, 39% of Lib Dems would like Charlie back.) Even among Labour voters, the score for Cameron is +4%, which is actually better than Blair scores with all voters.

CCHQ readers: Could a co-conspirator, for a laugh, send Guido a copy of the confidentiality agreement Conservative Party employees at CCHQ are being advised to sign. Usual email or fax 0709 201 2337.

LibDem Leader’s Backer Clasher”Oh Yes I have”, “Oh No You Haven’t”

Yesterday Whune claimed on his website:

… his campaign has now secured the backing of eight Council Leaders from around England. This is more than the other candidates combined. ‘I’m delighted,‘ said Chris, ‘at the backing of these local party leaders. These Liberal Democrat council leaders are already in power in their own areas and therefore their support represents a significant step forward in my campaign. I want to see the success they have achieved for the Liberal Democrats replicated on a national scale.’

Whuhne’s much boasted grasp of figures (economist, City editor etc.) could take a bit of a knocking here. This evening Ming’s Jaguar pulled up outside Guido’s cellar to decant a liveried flunkey with a list of nine council leaders backing Ming. How does he square that with whathisnames’ claims? Guido has counted for himself (using the fingers of both hands) and thinks Ming has it.

Remember the Tory leadership campaign? Liam Fox claiming the backing of George Bush, how we laughed. This is just tragic – the politics of toytown.

Sandi Toksvig Mocks Whune

In a viciously cutting stand-up routine, comedienne Sandi Toksvig, a celebrity* LibDem supporter, sarcastically said that Chris Whuhne, of the three candidates, had the qualities the party would need in the coming years.

“If you are looking for somebody to be the next Prime Minister – especially the first Liberal Democrat Prime Minister, it helps if he or she looks and sounds like a Prime Minister,” Sandi cruelly mocked.

*Technically correct.

The Darbyshires Again

Surely they must be the blog product of the mind of a drug crazed LibDem satirist?

Simon Hughes. We’re not supposed to comment in detail. But the truth is out now. All I want to say is we’ve guessed a long time. The rumour mill was always going. His staff and colleagues used to say he was just a private person, too busy to meet a woman or that he’d been seen out with both men and women. But when someone puts their arms around the two of you and looks chuffed to be able to do so you know they like both flavours!
There is more, so much more, Leah Darbyshire’s letter to Burger King complaining at their lack of vegetarian offerings is surreal. Guido is addicted.

What Dave told Demos

Interesting and clearly its the definitive (for now) ideological text for Cameroonies. It’s an honest analysis of Blair / New Labour as well. Cameron argues for realpolitik made policy.

Wee Willie Rennie Running…

…a distant second in Dunfermline & Fife against Labour, should have a re-think. The propaganda could do with a little polishing and re-phrasing. Tastelessly, in view of recent events, he refers to binge drinkers and “straight choices”.

Many thanks to Holyrood Belle, a Guido co-conspirator, for emailing these gems in.

Scottish Intelligence

Guido fears that if the SNP and Sean Connery do use the Scottish Parliament to attempt to sieze North Sea oil, Blair will find evidence of WMD in Glasgow (battered deep-fried Mars bars can be lethal) and invade.

Help Form Labour’s Education Policy

Little tip from Guido for David Willetts (courtesy of the left-wing pressure group Compass). Compass are campaigning with Fiona Millar (also not known as Mrs Alastair Campbell) to make sure parents have no choice but to send their children to the local comprehensive to learn text messaging and stabbing.

Guido learns from Gavin Hayes that anyone is allowed to submit to the Labour Party’s ‘Partnership in Power’ process. You can do this by sending your submissions to pip3@new.labour.org.uk. So ‘democratic’, like a people’s soviet for policy making. The Labour Party press office kindly confirmed that “Partnership in Power provides both members and non-members with a forum for making their ideas and suggestions heard through discussions at local policy forums and through submissions to Policy Commissions.”

Now the Tories can really assist Blair and Ruth Kelly with suggestions to get their reforms through. Guido is just trying to be helpful.

Tax Day Tomorrow Mr Blunkett, Don’t Forget

You know how forgetful David Blunkett is with forms, forgetting he had fast-tracked his mistress’ visa application for her nanny forinstance.

Well tomorrow his tax return will have to be in, and just in case he suffers from amnesia again, let Guido remind the old expense fiddler, he will have to declare the benefit in kind of living in a free, grace and favour, £3m Belgravia mansion courtesy of Tony. By Guido’s calculation he has had the benefit of that following two resignations, the taxable benefit (he has been living rent free at the taxpayers expense) would be in the region of £60,000 to £80,000 a year and Blunkett has been unable to find somewhere to live for all that time. On Sunday he told Andrew Marr, “you know how it is with surveyors and solicitors”. No, Guido doesn’t. It takes a couple of months. But why rush when the taxpayer is keeping you in some style? With the money left over from his column in The Sun after paying his tax bill he should be able to find somewhere. Blunkett can download the form here.

“President” McCain Praises “Prime Minister” Cameron

Guido suspects it won’t be the last time John McCain praises David Cameron’s “new generation of leadership in the Conservative Party” with their “very enthusiastic and clear vision of the obstacles they have to overcome to get a new Conservative majority… From what I know of, and have seen of, Prime Minister Cameron, I mean Mr Cameron, I’m sure he and I are more philosophically aligned…”

Patience, just three more years…

Clearing out the Closet

The Indy reckons that LibDem MPs with skeletons in their closet have been summonsed to the Chief Whip, Andrew Stunell, and told to confess all. No word as to if Ming or Whune have been along.

Met Police “Institutionally Blairite”

New Labour’s favourite copper, Sir Ian Blair, is useless. When not covering up for trigger happy extra-judicial executions of tube travellers, he spends his time enforcing politically correct policing. Detested by many of the ordinary boys in blue his career has been pulled upwards by the immense amount of suction power which he directs to his New Labour masters. Meanwhile in many parts of London people don’t bother reporting muggings or burglaries. Guido knows many Londoners who have been the victims of domestic burglary over the years, not one of whom has seen the police catch their burglar. Zero success. Yet, the crime figures paint a vista of increased tractor production police productivity.

The commissioner’s plan to harrass London’s party people is the obvious way to improve the crime figures, by creating and solving crimes on the spot. Operation Middle Market aims to entrap middle class cocaine users with police officers posing as coke dealers. That’s the spin he is putting out today. So there you are, sitting half pissed upstairs in the Groucho, a young man with short hair wanders over to you, “hello, hello, fancy some sniff?” Yes you reply, hoping it will jolt you out your alcoholic daze. You slip him £50. What crime have you committed? The copper has no cocaine, you have not bought any, the cop would be guilty of intent to supply if he had any cocaine. So what is the commissioner up to? It’s completely imaginary spin to get his gaffe about the Soham murders off the news pages. No one is being arrested in “middle class sting operations” because it would not work in court.

The commissioner knows that the broadsheets will lap up the story and it will move the news agenda on. A cynical Blairite media strategy. Beats catching burglars, eh?

Ming Races to Victory!

With all the energy, vibrancy, dynamism and environmental sensitivity required of a LibDem leader, Ming demonstrates that he is in poll position, ever ready to drive the LibDems to victory…

Captions in the comments please.

Oaten Withers On The Vine

Click this for a great quote from Oaten on the Jeremy Vine show. Fast-forward 33 minutes…

Hughes : Lies and Hypocrisy II

The Times destroys the latest excuses Hughes makes. Four hours before Trevor Kavanagh told him the game was up, he lied to them through his teeth:
Why did he think that people seemed to believe that he was gay? He frowned and his forehead furrowed. People added two and two and got gay, he explained. “I think the answer is I’m a single guy. I think that’s the explanation for that conclusion.”

He’s not gay, but he has had gay relationships. He wasn’t lying, but he wasn’t telling the truth… Over last weekend, Mr Hughes became aware that stories about his sex life were circulating on the internet.

So why did he lie? His latest line is that he comes from an older political generation in times when it was more repressed and he didn’t want to upset his mum. Purrrlease.

His mum? The eighties were repressed? With Boy George and George Michael at #1 in the charts. Even a young Guido was down at (handy for Westminster) Heaven, sweating on the dance-floor with poppers-sniffing YC’s.

It doesn’t wash. His party would not have rejected him if he was out. The real reason he could not admit to being bisexual/gay was because he got into parliament on the back of a hypocritical homophobic campaign in 1983. All his (too late) recent apologies can not hide that. He lied because he was ambitious and he still lies today because he is still ambitious. His come-uppance is well deserved.

The Difference Between Hughes and Oaten

Unlike with Oaten, there is no reason why Simon Hughes should resign says Cowley Street. The only “professional” gayer Simon Hughes shat on, was Peter Tatchell. Whereas with Oaten…

Hat-tip : Popbitch, “home of gayers, webmongs and unemployed freelance journos”.

+ READ MORE +



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