Taliban Timmy’s Tory Test

God be with you blog readers! Guido has taken the afternoon off, hopefully to repent his papist ways. God willing, I will be your blogger today. The Tory leadership candidates have agreed to answer my questions today. I am testing their fidelity to Montgomeria law. God be praised that they have compassionately agreed to go along with me for fear of losing votes.

First question for the blessed Davids : Will you introduce the death penalty for hashish fiends, opium den runners and white slave traders?
DC: No.
DD : Yes, and more than that, a Davis government will bring back public flogging of petty thieves and stoning for adulterers.
Second question for the exulted Davids : Do you believe that sex outside marriage is wrong?
DC: No.
DD : Depends what you mean by wrong, its not a, err, hanging offence, but its inadvisable. A healthy marriage to a blonde, sorry errm, a brunette, is all a man needs.
Third question for the honourable Davids : Are test tube babies Satan’s spawn?
DC: No.
DD : We have to look at the errm evidence, but if errr scientists or satanists are making babies we have to make sure we have a framework to deal with them in a firm, but compassionate way.
Fourth question for esteemed Davids : Are you a prophet who can see into the future ten years hence?
DC: No.
DD : Certainly, and my tax policy is based on the clear ability to determine macro-economic variables a decade ahead. That is the difference, the err clear blue errr water, with respect, between young Cameron and me, substantive policy from me, substance abuse from him. But I don’t want to bring that up. Just let me mention, gratuitously, that I grew up on a council estate.
Fifth final fun question : Women in Burqas or Hijabs?
DC: No.
DD : Blondes with double-D tits for me.

That’s it true believers, after unbiased consideration of the answers and careful study of our Taliban-O-Meter, which has now swung hard to the right, its Fox Davis for me.

This is Taliban Timmy wishing you all the blessings of the Tory-Taliban-Lite.

Pakol tip : Tim Montgomerie


Seen Elsewhere



Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Lucy Allan explains her positive comments about the Brexit Party…

“If EU elections are held, Leave supporting voters will want to vote for Leave supporting candidates… Usual party loyalties will be eclipsed by the Leave v Remain divide. It’s good to see strong candidates in the Leave camp. However, I sincerely hope we leave the EU before these elections are held so that we can move on and not waste time and money on unnecessary EU elections.”

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.
Scruton’s Greatness Scruton’s Greatness