“He was knocking me about the control room trying to get the email. This guy has a very short temper and was howling at the moon” claims Stephen Pound, 57 year-old Labour MP. “He’s pulling everyone’s leg, there was no grappling. It was hardly Giant Haystacks against Big Daddy – it was more like handbags at dawn” says Philip Davies, a newly elected Tory MP. When Pound read out an embarrassing email from the Tory MP’s research assistant – “Tomorrow Philip will be on Talksport from 12-1 with Steven (sic) Pound and Simon Hughes. Please let members know so they can call in and support Phil.”

Pound whines “This man was embarrassed at the little scam being found out. I’ve decided he’s a little squirt and don’t want to give him any more publicity by reporting him to police. At one point it became quite farcical as the producer is blind and we ended up falling over his guide dog. But it’s not really funny. It was very undignified. We were toe to toe body-checking each other. That’s how I got hurt. I’m not happy about it at all. My rib is really very sore.”