According to Rangers supporting Scotsmen, Ruth Kelly has been confirmed as a member of Opus Dei by sources in the organisation. The Blessed One has “supernumerary” status within the Roman Catholic organisation. This means she is a lay member who contributes a significant proportion of her earnings to Opus Dei. This arguably makes her the most devout of the Roman Catholics in Blair’s government – although Paul Murphy, the Northern Ireland Secretary, who is a Papal Knight of St Gregory might lay claim to that honour. The Divine Leader himself has slipped back into taking communion again from his (Catholic) family priest, despite in 1996 receiving an official written request from Cardinal Hume to desist and His Holiness the Pope in 2003 re-stating in an encyclical that only those in “full communion” with Rome should take communion. Cardinal Hume told Blair he was allowed to take communion in Tuscany where there was no Anglican church, but not in Westminster. Blair was however again spotted going into Westminster Cathedral alone in 1998 and used to take communion with his family regularly at the St Joan of Arc church in Islington. Guido understands that Father Timothy Russ, of the Immaculate Heart of Mary church in Great Missenden near Chequers, has continued to offer Blair communion. Guido is betting that after the premiership Blair will formally convert to the true faith.

Since her promotion to Education Secretary last month, The Blessed One has refused to confirm or deny that she is the first Cabinet minister to belong to Opus Dei. John Allen, Vatican correspondent of the National Catholic Reporter, says: “The fact that Opus Dei has been given a parish in Westminster and Ruth Kelly has been appointed Education Secretary are both signs of Opus Dei coming in from the cold.” Opus Dei members are conservative on the major cultural issues – such as divorce, abortion and homosexuality. Guido has pointed out previously that she has somehow always managed to miss votes on these sensitive issues. All of this warms the heart of an old Catholic freedom fighter like Guido himself.

As a supernumerary and mother of four Mrs Kelly is not required to flagellate herself – unlike some celibate Opus Dei members – but is instead asked to observe a rigorous daily regime of prayer and is known to attend mass daily whenever possible. She also dresses in the house style of Opus Dei, black tailored modest feminine outfits. Ad Majorem Dei Gloriam!