The Recess Monkey Needs a Mate

The second most amusing blog for British political junkies is Recess Monkey. But this is not without cost for the poor blogging primate himself. The time pressures of campaigning, working and blogging means he has no mate, and its getting increasingly worrying. His needs are simple, as one would expect he has an interest in bananas and females. But alas, the pictured perfect girl with the banana spurns his romantic interest. Despite his attempts to woo her attention with frequent references to her campaign needs and his many posts about her on his blog, including a pathetic drunken denial – “NO – I HAVE NO ULTERIOR MOTIVE! I am pure in both heart and deed.”



Am I too cynical? Its getting dangerously obsessional – there are laws against cyber-stalking / internet grooming. In a last ditch effort to impress her he is now proposing to make the Palace of Westminster a politically correct banana zone. All because the lady loves bananas!



His desperation has got so bad that he admits that he has taken to hanging round wonk-filled think-tanks looking for girls. Its evidently reached total crisis point, on Sunday he went so far as to go on national radio to broadcast his plea for female company.

Guido (virile but married incidentally, with an heir on the way) fears for the poor monkey, where will it end? Monkey needs loving!

UPDATE : He’s now got Linda Perham MP to propose an EDM on Bananas to impress Ms Banana Link. He’s arranging a photo-opportunity as well… Monkey – let it go son, there’s plenty more bananas on the tree.




Tip offs: 0709 284 0531
team@Order-order.com

Quote of the Day

Former public schoolboy Chuka Umunna told the  ‘Exit From Brexit Dinner’…

“Remainians, Remoaners, I don’t care what the label is, I’m proud. It’s fashionable to label everyone in this room as the liberal metropolitan elite . . . This caricature is promoted by a bunch of former public schoolboys!” 

Sponsors

Guidogram: Sign up

Subscribe to the most succinct 7 days a week daily email read by thousands of Westminster insiders.
Morning Star Flogging Socialist Xmas Hampers Morning Star Flogging Socialist Xmas Hampers
Bullying Lobbyists at Centre of Carl Sargeant Investigation Bullying Lobbyists at Centre of Carl Sargeant Investigation
Williamson: Media Ignored Prize I Didn’t Even Know About Williamson: Media Ignored Prize I Didn’t Even Know About
Soubry: Vote for Me is A Vote for ‘Theresa May and Good Brexit Deal’ Soubry: Vote for Me is A Vote for ‘Theresa May and Good Brexit Deal’
Pictured: Rebel Remainer Booze-Up Pictured: Rebel Remainer Booze-Up
Corbyn Heckled at Chanukah Party Corbyn Heckled at Chanukah Party
Top 20 Brexit Blocking MPs Signed 193 Amendments Each Top 20 Brexit Blocking MPs Signed 193 Amendments Each
Momentum Claims Only a Tiny Fraction of the Hundreds of Thousands it Raised for the Election Were Spent on the Election Momentum Claims Only a Tiny Fraction of the Hundreds of Thousands it Raised for the Election Were Spent on the Election
Labour Delays Kelvin Hopkins Decision Labour Delays Kelvin Hopkins Decision
Who’s In The Final Running To Be New BBC News Director Who’s In The Final Running To Be New BBC News Director
Juncker Facing Criminal Probe After Spy Scandal Juncker Facing Criminal Probe After Spy Scandal
Tom Brake: Media Aren’t Patriotic Enough Tom Brake: Media Aren’t Patriotic Enough
BBC Hypes Gloomy Brexit Report By EU-Funded Think Tank BBC Hypes Gloomy Brexit Report By EU-Funded Think Tank
Brussels Booze-Up Bonanza Brussels Booze-Up Bonanza
Labour Peddle More Animal Sentience Fake News Labour Peddle More Animal Sentience Fake News
Corbyn Launches Labour Muslim Group Headed By “Israel Has No Right to Exist” Activist Corbyn Launches Labour Muslim Group Headed By “Israel Has No Right to Exist” Activist
Clive Lewis Investigation Dropped Clive Lewis Investigation Dropped
Tories Take Poll Lead Tories Take Poll Lead
Cult of Corbyn – Christmas Edition Cult of Corbyn – Christmas Edition
McDonnell’s Socialism (With Diagram) McDonnell’s Socialism (With Diagram)