Boris is feeling : ‘Tremendous, little short of superb. On cracking form.’

Guido is back from his holiday, tanned and a little surprised this morning. I thought everyone already knew Boris was shagging Petronella Wyatt – I also had heard the affair was long over but apparently it was back on. That was why it was so funny that she wrote the Singular Life column in the Speccie as well as riding the editor’s column. Singular Life is billed as “The ongoing escapades of London’s answer to Ally McBeal”.

Why Petronella’s mum, Lady Verushka Wyatt, revealed her daughter had an abortion and changed her tune from denying the affair to confirming it and sinking Boris is a mystery. Upper class hacks should know better than to let the tabloids turn them over. Mother obviously found it difficult to keep mum. It is possible that Boris’ Aitkenesque denial provoked her to confirm it was more than a “pyramid of piffle”.

I don’t think having an affair is a sacking issue – we don’t want the country led by boring prudes. Why Boris didn’t tell Howard “yes, I’m shagging the mad skinny, Hungarian hack, please don’t make me minister for the family” I don’t know. Something tells me Howard just doesn’t find Boris as amusing as the rest of us. Although he certainly took the piss out of him last week.

When the News of the Screws doorstepped him Boris told them through the letter boxI am now going to have a stiff drink.”

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Dom Cummings unloading in an epic tweet thread:

“Brexit requires huge change so reboot Downing St/civil service or Seamus will be siting next to Heywood reviewing your tax records shortly.”

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