North Cyprus’ PM Resigns Over Leaked Masturbation Video

The North Cypriot PM, Ersan Saner, has had to resign effective immediately after a video emerged of him masturbating to a woman via FaceTime was leaked by the Mafia.

Saner has spoken of a conspiracy against him and said the whole exercise was “designed to discredit” him. He also claimed “underworld involvement”. He would have gotten away with it too if it was for his meddling hands…

“I was the target of very bad defamation with this video, which is a product of processing with the maximum use of technology.”

Guido hopes the next Turkish Cypriot leader will avoid being caught choking his Turkey…

mdi-timer 20 October 2021 @ 17:07 20 Oct 2021 @ 17:07 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
BEIS Delete ANOTHER Net Zero Report Advocating Taxing Meat, “Normalising” Vegetarianism & Shaming Frequent Flyers

Having already deleted a report that claimed net zero policies had to navigate “structural inequalities and institutional racism , BEIS have now removed another document that suggested people should “shift dietary habits” by eating less meat, and recommended a tax on “high-carbon foods” to “normalise plant based food”Yet another report commissioned, signed off, and published, only to suddenly disappear when someone in BEIS actually read it…

The second report, written by the Behavioural Insights Unit (AKA the Nudge Unit), also advised “shift[ing] social norms” over international flights for business meeting – by depicting such trips as an “immoral indulgence or embarrassment”. “‘Frequent flyer’ should not be a badge of pride”, it says…

Right on cue, BEIS has already distanced itself from the report, claiming:

“We have no plans whatsoever to dictate consumer behaviour in this way. For that reason, our Net Zero Strategy published yesterday contained no such plans.”

The old adage, “never believe anything until it is officially denied” applies here Guido suspects. If the department is telling the truth, it does beg the question of why BEIS is happy to even entertain this nonsense in the first place…

mdi-timer 20 October 2021 @ 16:00 20 Oct 2021 @ 16:00 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Robert Buckland’s Touching James Brokenshire Tribute

Today MPs made said goodbye to another friend and colleague James Brokenshire who sadly passed away from lung cancer two weeks ago, aged just 53 years old. One particularly touching tribute came from Robert Buckland who described his friend as:

“…driven, quick, persuasive, funny, kind, and decent. Don’t make the mistake of confusing those qualities with mere niceness, Madam Deputy Speaker, he was much, much more than that. Farewell my friend. Thank you for everything.” 

RIP James…

mdi-timer 20 October 2021 @ 15:50 20 Oct 2021 @ 15:50 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Guido Forks: Tory MP Levels Up Parliament’s Canteen

After an airport, a Treasury campus, an ONS campus, a BEIS campus, a free port, the country’s biggest industrial zone and constant praise from the Cabinet, one might think Teesside has had enough wins for a lifetime. Not content with levelling up the north east, Stockton MP Matt Vickers has now won a victory in SW1 – getting the region’s iconic dish, the Parmo, served in Parliament. 

Breaded chicken, smothered in béchamel sauce and topped with your week’s worth of dietary cheese allowance, no night out in Teesside is complete without one.

Vickers enjoyed a photoshoot in the Commons Terrace Cafeteria this morning with the chef, complete with a personalised chef hat. Guido’s senior reporter – a proud north easterner – popped over to Parliament this afternoon to try it out, and can confirm that while not a looker, it tasted great. The closest attempt at replicating the dish he’s found in London so far…

The dish has proved incredibly popular, with a canteen server at one point having to shout at the queue, “Is there anyone that ISN’T here for a parmo?” Fingers crossed it’s not a one time dish…

mdi-timer 20 October 2021 @ 15:30 20 Oct 2021 @ 15:30 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Senior Tory MP Joins Labour Project to Demand Reparations for Africa

Last Friday, Guido was alerted to the impending inaugural meeting of a new parliamentary APPG for “Afrikan Reparations”, to be lead by Bell Ribeiro-Addy and take place via Zoom this morning. The co-conspirator raised their eyebrows at the APPG, knowing that rules state a group must have cross-party support. Which Tory would be brave enough to back this hard-left, woke project?

Guido diligently tuned into the Zoom call and can reveal the Tory enabling the group to be none other than Father of the House Sir Peter Bottomley. Ribeiro-Addy thanked Sir Peter for volunteering and allowing the group to get off the ground. After seconding Ribeiro-Addy’s chairmanship, Sir Peter said he was happy to be put down as an “assistant secretary”, joining vice chairs Caroline Lucas and Marsha de Cordova.

The creation of the APPG followed a lobbying campaign by the group Stop The Maangamiziwho want to “address the legacies of Afrikan Enslavement” and:

“make recommendations to Parliament on how to redress the legacies of African enslavement, colonialism and neocolonialism today.”

The group also wants:

  • Debt cancellation and repudiation
  • Restitution of African cultural property and human remains
  • To declare the UN’s ‘International Day for Remembrance of the Slave Trade and its Abolition’ a public holiday in the UK

During the APPG’s meeting, Ribeiro-Addy thanked Stop The Maangamizi for “providing a view on what could be done in terms of looking at the various issues over time and presenting some discussions and policy moving forward.”. The Labour MPs attending the call – also among them Zarah Sultana, Dawn Butler and Florence Eshalomi – were hardly surprising. Sir Peter’s involvement, however, has already raised some Tories’ eyebrows…

mdi-timer 20 October 2021 @ 13:37 20 Oct 2021 @ 13:37 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
Tory MP Mocks Ian Blackford’s Lost Voice

Boris resisted making the obvious gag, Tory MP Anthony Mangnall did not…

mdi-timer 20 October 2021 @ 12:32 20 Oct 2021 @ 12:32 mdi-twitter mdi-facebook mdi-whatsapp mdi-telegram mdi-linkedin mdi-email mdi-comment View Comments
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