Saturday, May 17, 2008

Where’s Gordon’s Courage and Leadership?

Whenever New Labour were in trouble Tony Blair would lead from the front, whatever you may say about him, he never feared to open the batting however sticky the wicket.

When New Labour were first elected Tony Blair risked campaigning during the Uxbridge by-election in May 1997. Blair led from the front even though the Tories were sure to hold the seat. Gordon, author of two books on courage, has ordered 80 ministers and SpAds to go to Crewe and Nantwich this weekend to campaign. He however plans to stay well away chewing his nails.

Gordon avoids elections wherever possible, he chickened out of a contest with Blair for the leadership in 1994, he engineered a coronation unopposed for the party leadership in July 2007 and he bottled holding a mandate producing election in October 2007. Nobody has cast a single vote for him to lead his party or his country.

Gordon is a truly pathetic figure, on Friday morning Labour will have to face up to their mistake. If they can’t win Crewe, where they are testing to destruction the “don’t vote for a toff” approach – “tough on toffs, tough on the causes of toffs” - backed-up by illiberal knuckle dragging dog-whistle policies, they can’t win nationally with Brown. Crewe is 165th on the list of Tory target seats… that should concentrate the minds of 164 Labour MPs…

UPDATE : Blair also visited the tightly fought Eddisbury by-election to campaign in August 1999. Before he stood down Blair told the Labour Party in his final speech to their conference that “there are no rules in politics.” Quite.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

By-Election, What By-Election Prime Minister?

Guido can imagine Stephen Carter telling a heavily sedated Brown on Wednesday after PMQs of the plans for the weekend:-

Carter : We’re going somewhere nice for the weekend, get some sunshine. We have booked a trip to the Eden Project in the South West, Cornwall, then on to Plymouth.

Brown: [rocking in his chair] What about the by-election? Where is it?

Carter:
No by-election PM, we are going to see the flowers in Cornwall and visit an old peoples home in Plymouth. Take it easy, have a weekend break.

Gordon is on an official visit to Plymouth, which is 251 miles away from Crewe. Brown couldn’t be further away if he went to Edinburgh (242 miles), in any event he wouldn’t want to go for a weekend rest in Edinburgh now it is under Salmond’s control and Wendy is rebelling against him.

Whereas Cameron and Clegg are up in Crewe and Nantwich backing their candidates to the hilt, taking every local photo-op available, Brown’s handlers are keeping him as far out of sight as possible. No doubt fearful of the inevitable consequences of the Jonah curse of the one eyed son of the manse…

UPDATE : At the old people’s home, Gordon was introduced to Maisie Wright, 94. “Hello, I’m Gordon Brown, the prime minister” he said as he proffered his hand. “That’s nice” replied Maisie, “Wilf over there thinks he is Jesus Christ.” Old, but good.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Meltdown : Brown Beaten by Calamity Clegg

On Wednesday Brown mocked Nick Clegg as a calamity, so how must it feel to be beaten by him this morning? The BBC is projecting the Conservatives will have 44%, the Liberal Democrats 25% and Labour last on 24%.

Labour are projected to lose over 200 seats, a meltdown performance not seen for over a generation. Brown is nowhere to be seen this morning and all the claims of the Brownies ring hollow – their line was that in times of economic difficulty voters would cling to Gordon’s authority and economic competence. Oh, no they didn’t…

These are real votes, not poll results and if repeated at a general election would give the Tories some 400 seats at Westminster and a majority of 138.

Highlights of last night were Richard Littlejohn bitch-slapping Polly Toynbee into silence on Question Time, Geoff Hoon making a Comical Ali style tit of himself and the surreal idiocy of the BBC’s Jeremy Vine dressed up in a cowboy suit making a fool of himself. The Guidoisation of public service broadcasting is perhaps not the best direction for them to go…

From 2330 until 0230 this site had a live chat running which had 744 viewers making instant comments which was great fun as the night wore on. Great fun which we will seek to repeat during PMQs in the future.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Jonah Brown Goes to America, Dollar Crashes to All Time Low

The Jonah effect is becoming scary, Gordon lands in America in the morning and the dollar crashes to an all time historic low by lunchtime. There really is something in this – within weeks of him becoming PM the country was hit by terror fire, pestilence and floods. He is a curse on everything he touches.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

U.S. Visit Front Page News

Guido has checked the front pages of the New York Times, Washington Post, New York Post, the CNN and Drudge websites. The visit of his Holiness the Pope is everywhere. The visit of his twattyness the PM is nowhere to be seen. Not on front pages, not on inside pages. Nowhere.

Gordon has hired a high-powered PR team and they don’t even think to avoid a scheduling clash with Pope Benedict – which was always going to be the big box office draw. Gordon was giving delusional interviews yesterday lauding his important role as “a bridge to Europe”. Laughable.

UPDATE : According to Nick Robinson this morning, British Embassy officials admit they didn’t know the Pope was coming to Washington at the same time. The British Embassy n Washington is the biggest and most expensive outpost of the FCO. Well done chaps…

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Brown Dithers Over OlympicsNow Not Going, but Not Boycotting Either

Two weeks ago the line from Downing Street was:

THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

LONDON – British Prime Minister Gordon Brown says Britain will not boycott the opening ceremonies for the Beijing Olympics.

After being humiliated by Kevin Rudd, (the Aussie PM) and Chinese Goons in Downing Street Gordon can’t now straight forwardly answer this simple question:

Q. Will you boycott the opening ceremony of the Chinese Olympics in protest at their policies in Tibet?

A. No I will not be boycotting the opening ceremony, I will not, however, be attending.

It is the will he / won’t he farce of the signing of the Lisbon treaty all over again. Trying to have it both ways because he is afraid to decide. This from the man who has his name on two books on “courage”.

He is however thinking of attending the closing ceremony. A couple of weeks ago we were told he would be attending because the “Dalai Lama himself.. yada yada yada bullshit spin and dither”. Why can’t he just be decisive one way or the other?

UPDATE : After Channel 4 News led on this story yesterday evening both Ben Brogan on the Daily Mail and Nick Robinson were clearly telephoned by the Brownies last night to be briefed that the position was always that the Ditherer was not going to the opening ceremony. A point they have faithfully conveyed. Something that, as far as Guido can determine, we were never told by them before. So the Press Association and many others got it wrong two weeks ago. We were never at war with Eurasia, Eurasia has always been our ally.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Gordon’s Natural Authority

Day 2 of the Progressive Governance Conference (Summit), sees a press turnout lower than expected. The four coaches laid on by the FCO to transport eager hacks to listen in on Gordon and chums sit empty in the car park of the Ramada Inn, the press assembly point. The last one arrived at the Grove bearing just two hacks. Officials were overheard optimistically talking up the possibility of a rush ahead of the noon press conference.

The joy of the live feed is that we can see what’s going on in the Progressive Governance summit. So, for instance, as they come back in from their coffee break, Gordon has so far asked his fellow world leaders three times to stop chatting (“Can we please sit down and begin now!”) with all the effectiveness of a trainee teacher at a supply school, and the general delighted mockery of the press tent. The mutated swastika logo is nowhere to be seen now…

Andrew Grice in the Indy this morning tells us why:

There was an embarrassing hiccup before Gordon’s arrival: the logo for today’s summit of world leaders bore an uncanny resemblance to a Nazi swastika. Downing Street removed the logo from its website and ordered the designers to come up with a new one. “It would be totally wrong to read anything sinister into the intentions of the designers,” said a No 10 spokeswoman.

It would, however, be right to laugh at their serial incompetence.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Gordon Loses His Way Again With the PLP

Sky’s Jon Craig didn’t come into the Lobby to have his advice ignored. Last night the PM’s advance security detachment asked him which door Gordon should use to enter the PLP meeting. “The Chairman’s Entrance,” Craig told him. “The PM always uses the Chairman’s Entrance.”
Ian Austin, PPS to Gordon, ignored the advice leading the PM in via the “Members’ Entrance”, which, according to Craig;
plunged them into a throng of Labour MPs and peers waiting to hear the PM rather than to the platform from where he was due to speak, they emerged, sheepish and embarrassed, and headed for the “Chairman’s Entrance”.

“Gordon’s got lost again!” shouted one wag among the political journalists in the corridor. And indeed he had.

If only the Prime Minister, his PPS and his detective had listened to me.

Guido is compiling a (shades of Dale) list of the top twatty Mr Bean things that Mr Brown has done.

Going on the list are:

  1. Reading from an autocue obscuring his face at his “Gordon for Britain” launch.
  2. Tucking his trousers into his sock.
  3. Getting lost at Windsor Castle Dinner for Sarkozy to the amusement of Her Majesty.
  4. Locking himself in the toilet and having to ring Blair on his mobile to get him out.
  5. Absent mindedly picking his nose for two minutes on the front bench on budget day 2007 in full view of the Tory ranks and TV viewers.
  6. Getting entangled in balloons at a photo-op.
  7. After an interview with Adam Boulton in India, getting up and walking into a plant pot.
  8. Forgetting the access codes for his own office resulting in a No. 10 armed security response unit rushing to find him in his nightie.
  9. Telling the same anecdotal jokes time and again and still screwing them up.
  10. Trusting Blair to keep his word after the Granita dinner.
Any more twatty things? In the comments please…

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Where’s Gordon?™ "PM Got Lost" Says Her Majesty

Remember when he locked himself in a bathroom and had to be rescued by Blair? Or when he first became PM and was found at 5 a.m. downstairs in his dressing gown by armed police who had rushed to the scene outside his office after he forgot his security code? Mr Bean is the best description.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Bottler Gives Remaindered "Courage" Book to African Kids

In an attempt to shift remaindered copies of his vanity published book on Courage Gordon is today giving away copies to Ugandan school children.

Whose brilliant idea was that? The travelling press pack are laughing at him. As many co-conspirators have pointed out in the comments, what is it with Gordon and photo-ops at schools. Do his media team have any other ideas? It just looks awkward, him smiling away at the kids and forcing his book on them.

What did the kids do to deserve this treatment?


Seen Elsewhere

Why Are Radicals Like Carswell Leaving Tories? | BBC
Danczuk: Rotherham Abuse Imported From Pakistan | Telegraph
Ashya King Case Shows How Authorities Get it Wrong | ConHome
The Carswell Show | Jon Craig
Cops Seized Journalist’s Phone to Out Whistleblower | Press Gazette
Chuka’s £2,500 Tax Avoidance Donation | Times
Another BBC Stitch Up? | David Keighley
Divided, Pessimistic Tories Expect Defeat | Alex Wickham
Labour Suspends Rotherham Council Members | Sky
PM Used Terror Crisis to Deflect From Carswell | Rachel Sylvester
Scotland Surges for Freedom | Times


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George Osborne rejects the Ice Bucket Challenge from Ed Balls:

“I’d rather pay the money to charity and pour cold water on his policies.”



Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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