Friday, June 25, 2010

Knock, Knock. Who’s There? Gordon!

Gordon broke away from answering the door at his Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath constituency office to briefly show his face during prayers in the chamber of the Commons yesterday.

His visit lasted 6 minutes according to Quentin Letts

Not exactly giving the taxpayer value for money is he? He never has though, has he?

Picture courtesy of Stramash.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Where’s Gordon?™ Chatting With a Kennedy Apparently

After some excitement this morning that Gordon Brown might actually be in town to represent his constituents the truth unravels. While he may have put a fleeting five minutes in the chamber, (making the number of days he has been in two out of a possible forty-nine,) King of the Lobby Gary Gibbon has what he was really down here for. A meeting with a Kennedy, a chat with Sir Tim Berners-Lee about his future employability and a natter with his old cabinet allies.

All wonderful representation for the people of Kirkcaldy.

UPDATE: Via EyeSpyMP we learn that Gordon has even brought his “wee son” to his day at the office. Clearly “getting on with the job” is his top priority.

+ + + Gordon Sighted in Westminster + + +

+ + + Developing + + +

UPDATE: According to Robert Halfon MP, Gordon entered the chamber briefly for Defra questions.  Jonah’s back…

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Where’s Gordon?™ Obsessing about the World Cup Apparently

Once upon a time there was a man who claimed he woke up every day to “fight for a fairer Britain”. Britain may have said no, but he was returned overwhelmingly by one small part of it to represent and fight for them for the next five years. But this man is refusing to represent them and has now gone missing. Finally we learn he has abandoned his responsibilities and is sticking two fingers up at representative democracy to instead obsessively watch every single World Cup match on telly. While he rocks back and forward in his underwear, ticking off the games on his  free Daily Mirror World Cup pull-out wallchart, the taxpayer is picking up the tab.

Gordon was quick to head down to Parliament to sign on for his cheques, so that for an hour and a half of football he is set to make around £45+ per match, or just over £3000 for the sixty-four game tournament. Find Guido any sports fan who wouldn’t love to be paid to sit around watching football. Thousands would have gone to the World Cup if it wasn’t for the cost and yet the taxes that deprived them of the trip are paying for Gordon to watch. Where’s the “fairer Britain” there?

If Gordon Brown needs time to reflect, plot revenge, write his book, find himself, detox, or whatever it is he is doing all alone in Scotland – fine – he should not expect to be paid for the pleasure by the taxpayer. There are 93,272 constituents in Kirkcaldy who are completely disenfranchised from the political system while their elected representative broods in a darkened room. Brown needs to make a decision – walk into the sunset and break completely from the House of Commons, or engage in the job he was elected to carry out and is paid to do. Guido is one of those inclined to say Brown is bonkers, but while this situation is allowed to continue the taxpayer is being taken for a fool. It is time to blow the final whistle on Gordon’s sulky withdrawal from parliament. He should either resign or “get on with the job”…

*Fag-packet maths: 252 working days a year. 9 till 5 = 8 hours per day = 2016 hours per year. £64k divided hourly = £32 per hour = £48 per game. And that doesn’t include expenses.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Labour’s Missing Economic Genius

Labour are running round like headless chickens this morning. Alastair Darling has had a lie-in, attack dogs like Liam Byrne are nowhere to be seen, while Harman and the leadership candidates are all trying to get a look in. The airwaves have no-one of economic authority to hand from the opposition benches.

Foolishly they are really overlooking one MP who could coordinate and streamline their attacks and message. Where is the man who “abolished boom and bust”? The “best man for the job”? The man who kept debt low, who invested for the future, who fought for fairness and Britain every day. The man who “made all the right calls”, the man of “substance”.

Where is “the great clunking fist” and why isn’t he “getting on with the job” the taxpayers pay him to do?

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Gordon the Scottish Dancing Monkey

Paul Waugh reported yesterday evening that the real reason the former Prime Mentalist was seen in public for the first time in a month yesterday was to disprove rumours (first reported by Guido) that were going round primarily in Labour circles. Namely that Gordon was undergoing some kind of post – breakdown psychological treatment. Dance monkey, dance…

None of this takes away from the fact that it is wrong for him to expect the taxpayers to pay him £1,264-a-week to stay at home in Kirkcaldy writing his personal memoirs. Incidentally, it seems Guido isn’t the only one to have noticed that Gordon is becoming markedly more Scottish once again…

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Gordon’s Alive

Gordon has been allowed out today. Still not doing the job we actually pay him to do. He is being paid £1,264-a-week to stay at home recuperating in Kirkcaldy “writing his book”, if he wants to stay on as an MP perhaps we should see him at his place of work. He used to claim that he woke up every morning wanting to “fight for a fairer Britain”. Now those unfair Tories are in government he appears to have given up fighting for Britain. So far in over a month he has appeared fleetingly only once in parliament, to sign in, so he can be paid…

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Finished

“Thank you and goodbye.”

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Where’s Gordon?

A quick glance at TheStraightChoice leaflet archive shows that not a single Labour candidate has deemed it a good idea to put Gordon on their literature. Guido will give a copy of The Big Red Book of New Labour Sleaze to the first person who sends him a scan of such a leaflet. Obviously not from Kircaldy…

UPDATE : David Jessop wins the book, Daniel Zeichner in Cambridge has a tiny picture of Jonah him on his leaflet.

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Gordon’s Scottish Snowstorm

Whoever says  Scottish politics is dull might want to take a look at last week’s unravelling saga around Labour controlled Glasgow City Council. Who would have thought when Gordon sat next to him on the Thursday before last that within a week one of Scotland’s up and coming politicians would have attempted suicide, that a police investigation would link the same man, Glasgow’s most senior politician, to major organised drug criminals and an 18-year-old Labour activist would be end up dead outside the city’s Council Chambers. As ever Gordon is pulling a Macavity on this one.

Steven Purcell was talked about as the saviour of the Scottish Labour Party, its brightest young star, he was tipped as a future First Minister.  However if Purcell ever wanted a return to front-line politics, he certainly handled his spectacular fall from grace, spectacularly badly. No crisis manager could stop the drip, drip, drip of information concerning his party-boy lifestyle, snorting and drinking until the wee hours yet serving the city of Glasgow to a surprisingly competent degree. Yet he was in with the wrong crowd and in May last year some of Scotland’s top coppers visited Purcell in his council offices as his name had repeatedly cropped up in investigations. There was reason to believe that someone was attempting to blackmail Purcell with mobile phone footage of him.

Fast forward to last week and as Gordon was leaving Glasgow, Purcell was going into meltdown. Vodafone blocked his number after he abused call centre staff and he was found in tears talking nonsense at his desk. He ended up in the Castle Craig rehab centre. Although Purcell was earning fifty grand as council leader, you must wonder how much of this went up his nose and therefore who was paying for the rehab stay and for retaining of lawyers and crisis managers? Either way Purcell went missing from the rehab centre on Sunday night. Some have suggested he attempted to kill himself in open water as he was found soaked.

By now the story had started to emerge in the press and by Monday the internet was rife with rumours about Purcell stepping down because of cocaine rather than the “stress” cited in the official statement.  We now know that Council staff wanted to blow the whistle but were stopped by Purcell’s mysteriously funded lawyers. As the week progressed the story unravelled more, Purcell’s vain attempts at crisis management were no match for overwhelming evidence. The final straw was the collapse and subsequent death of a admirer of Mr Purcell’s, a young Labour Party activist named Danus McKinlay who “worshipped” Purcell and “would do anything for him” . Guido understands that McKinlay was diabetic and there has been reason to believe that he had stopped taking his medication resulting in his subsequent collapse.  Witnesses said they thought he was drunk – an easy mistake to make of someone who desperately needs insulin.

That was the final straw, within two hours Purcell had resigned as a councillor and has fled Scotland to an unknown sunny destination. Through all of this Gordon has remained silent. The ally he was once so keen to be photographed with, campaign for, tip for future greatness and fund-raise for, was left to the scrap-heap. What did Gordon know and when?


Seen Elsewhere

Labour Failed Those Victims | Labour Uncut
We Cannot Ignore the Race Issue Here | Dan Hodges
74 MPs Who Back Stop Mills Motion | Speccie
Milibande | Ian Birrell
The True Meaning of Political Correctness Gone Mad | Speccie
Nigel, Nigel, Nigel! | Bloomberg
Bercow Blinks | Guardian
Speaker on the Ropes | Indy
Outgoing Clerk Slams Bercow – Row Goes Very Public | BBC
Darling Was Wrong on OBR | Speccie
Climate Change Cools Off | Washington Times


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Shaun Wright’s understatement about the Rotherham child abuse scandal…

“..I could have taken more action and probably dealt with this issue better.”



Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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