Friday, September 7, 2012

Compare and Contrast: Value for Gordon

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Labour’s Absent Earners’ Expenses Bills

David Miliband is earning £500,000 a year and rarely takes part in the cut and thrust of Westminster any more, but that hasn’t stopped him from being one of the highest expenses claimants in the figures released by IPSA today. Miliband is the 20th greediest MP, trousering £170,500 in expenses over the last year. He needs it, they only pay him £116 a minute for his speeches…

Meanwhile the former Prime Mentalist claimed £127,197 despite the fact that he’s only spoken in one debate during the last twelve months.

Why are we paying so much for his travel when he never turns up?

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Gordon Does His Bit For Team GB

There was some great news for Team GB this morning.

Perhaps this will be a turning point for the Olympics…

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Councillor Quits After Doing a Gordon

A Lincolnshire councillor has been forced to quit after drawing criticism for her low attendance.

Sara Cliff attended just 19 meetings from a possible 52, a strike rate far more impressive than many sitting MPs.

Are you watching Gordon…

Via @OnTablets

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Radiation Spreading Across Jonah’s Constituency
Yet Brown is Silent About it in Parliament

Radioactive material has been detected in Dalgety Bay, Fife. The Scotsman reports:

“The Scottish Environmental Protection Agency (Sepa) found 17 radioactive particles on Friday, 33 on Saturday and a further 31 on Sunday. Contamination in the area is believed to originate from radioactive aeroplane dials, burned and buried in reclaimed land.”

Locals are up in arms and demanding that something be done, but their local MP is strangely silent. Instead of raising this urgent matter in Parliament, or getting relevant bodies around a table, Gordon Brown is nowhere to be seen. His dwindling loyalists often argue that the reason it’s fine for Brown to stay in Parliament, despite not turning up or voting, is that he is a good local MP. Well that is that myth busted…

UPDATE: For those wondering where Gordon is instead of representing his constituents – he’s sucking up to hedgies and investment bankers at the UNEP Finance Initiative 2011 Global Roundtable in the Meridian C Room of the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center, Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, D.C. No risk of radiation poisoning there…

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Who Will Cover for Gordon’s Pregnant PPS?

Guido has wondered in the past what exactly Alison McGovern does as Gordon Brown’s PPS. He never turns up or speaks, so why the dubious honour? Given McGovern is pregnant, speculation is mounting as to who will fill in for her when she goes on maternity leave.

If she’s not replaced then questions will arise about her onerous and demanding role.

Backbenchers should form an orderly queue to make their pitch for the job.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Last of the McLoyalists Jumps Ship

Ultra-Brownite loyalist Kirsty McNeill has finally jumped ship from the tax-saving operation that is The Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown. The author of those tractor-stat speeches and stage manager of the cling to power, was brought in during those dark autumn days of 2009 when the Prime Mentalist was cracking under the pressure. She apparently told friends that she wanted to stay on until Gordon’s reputation has been restored after the election defeat. It seems she has got bored of waiting for hell to freeze over though…

Labour sources suggest that the OGSB has been very quiet in recently. With Brown’s PPS pregnant, and now his gatekeeper on the run, perhaps now would be an ideal time for the man himself to move on…

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

+ + + Brown Spotted In Westminster + + +

Isn’t it funny how Brown won’t turn up to Parliament to represent the people of Kirkcaldy and earn the £65,738, plus expenses and the pension, we pay him? Instead he goes around the world as he bids to restore his reputation, banking thousands for speeches while he does so. Yet Obama turns up, and he’s up there like a greyhound. Perhaps it was to complain that those DVDs didn’t work…

Friday, April 15, 2011

Osborne Would Block Brown

Despite assuring us that he intended to disappear into the obscurity of the lefty charity world, the horror of Gordon becoming the head of the IMF somehow seems possible. On manoeuvres in Bretton Woods, Brown has been lobbying, without a trace of irony, to take the leadership of the body which is charged with managing deficits in cash strapped countries. Another week where the people of Kirkcaldy have been well represented in Parliament. 

Guido isn’t so sure he’s quite the shoe in that he is briefing he is, though perhaps they were impressed with his prudent management style and understanding of how governments can rack up such huge debts. Osborne’s people have made it clear that they would block the £270,000 pa appointment: “It would be an insult to the British public if Gordon Brown were to be put forward for this job. This is the man who wrecked the British economy and has never apologised. It is not going to happen on our watch.”

Guido won’t be buying back those Nokia shares just yet.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Going, Going, Gordon

So Gordon’s spokesgirl Kirsty McNeill denies that he is going anywhere. It seems the Labour MPs in the tea-room may have been getting a little ahead of themselves. Those so quick to accept her line completely might like to ask her why she is touting her CV around London head hunters though…

In nearly a year of being paid over £5,000 a month to represent the people of Kirkcaldy, Brown’s attendance record proves what everyone already knows – that his heart is not in it. He doesn’t turn up at debates, has asked just a handful of written questions and has done nothing to earn his taxpayer-funded salary. If he’s not really planning on shortly moving on, why not?

UPDATE: A co-conspirator writes:

Worth pointing out that likely successor John Park MSP suddenly stood down from his FPTP seat in the Edinburgh elections. Easing the way for a move to Westminster despite being Labour’s election coordinator.


Seen Elsewhere

Why Newmark Story Was Not Fishing Expedition | David Banks
Longlist to Succeed Hague | ConHome
Newmark Nonsense An Excuse to Bash Tabloids | Spiked
Kay Burley’s Top Twitter Zingers | Buzzfeed
Why Tory Tax Cut Pledge is Good News | Allister Heath
ONS Admits Economy Stronger Than It Thought | Speccie
Cameron’s Concessions to UKIP | Nick Wood
#TM4PM: It’s On | Speccie
Path to Defeat Obvious for Both Labour and Tories | Rafael Behr
It’s Boris v May | Sun
Farage is Outflanking the Tories | Guardian


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David Cameron on political promiscuity…

“On May 7 you could go to bed with Nigel Farage and wake up with Ed Miliband. Not one bit of that works for me.”



cynic says:

Can anyone help me? I went on holiday a week ago and returned to find someone has pulled out the stake and Gordon Brown is back and acting as Prime Minister. What did I miss? Has there been a snap election?


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