Sell! Sell! Sell!

Any whisper of greenshoots will be wiped out at 14:30 GMT when Jonah Brown rings the bell at the New York Stock Exchange:

“On Tuesday, September 25, Gordon Brown, UN Special Envoy for Global Education and former UK Prime Minister, and his wife Sarah Brown, founding Chair of the Global Business Coalition for Education will visit the New York Stock Exchange and ring The Opening Bell. In his capacity as UN Special Envoy for Global Education, Mr. Brown is joining with UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon at the UNGA this week to launch Education First, a UN initiative to put education on top of the development agenda.”

Arrrrrgh…

UPDATE: Oh no:

Compare and Contrast: Value for Gordon

The jet-setting former Prime Mentalist claims eighteen times the amount of expenses asked for by value-for-money lowest claiming MP, despite the fact that he never turns up for work…

Labour's Absent Earners' Expenses Bills

David Miliband is earning £500,000 a year and rarely takes part in the cut and thrust of Westminster any more, but that hasn’t stopped him from being one of the highest expenses claimants in the figures released by IPSA today. Miliband is the 20th greediest MP, trousering £170,500 in expenses over the last year. He needs it, they only pay him £116 a minute for his speeches…

Meanwhile the former Prime Mentalist claimed £127,197 despite the fact that he’s only spoken in one debate during the last twelve months.

Why are we paying so much for his travel when he never turns up?

Gordon Does His Bit For Team GB

There was some great news for Team GB this morning.

Perhaps this will be a turning point for the Olympics…

Councillor Quits After Doing a Gordon

A Lincolnshire councillor has been forced to quit after drawing criticism for her low attendance.

Sara Cliff attended just 19 meetings from a possible 52, a strike rate far more impressive than many sitting MPs.

Are you watching Gordon…

Via @OnTablets

Radiation Spreading Across Jonah's ConstituencyYet Brown is Silent About it in Parliament

Radioactive material has been detected in Dalgety Bay, Fife. The Scotsman reports:

“The Scottish Environmental Protection Agency (Sepa) found 17 radioactive particles on Friday, 33 on Saturday and a further 31 on Sunday. Contamination in the area is believed to originate from radioactive aeroplane dials, burned and buried in reclaimed land.”

Locals are up in arms and demanding that something be done, but their local MP is strangely silent. Instead of raising this urgent matter in Parliament, or getting relevant bodies around a table, Gordon Brown is nowhere to be seen. His dwindling loyalists often argue that the reason it’s fine for Brown to stay in Parliament, despite not turning up or voting, is that he is a good local MP. Well that is that myth busted…

UPDATE: For those wondering where Gordon is instead of representing his constituents – he’s sucking up to hedgies and investment bankers at the UNEP Finance Initiative 2011 Global Roundtable in the Meridian C Room of the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center, Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, D.C. No risk of radiation poisoning there…

Who Will Cover for Gordon's Pregnant PPS?

Guido has wondered in the past what exactly Alison McGovern does as Gordon Brown’s PPS. He never turns up or speaks, so why the dubious honour? Given McGovern is pregnant, speculation is mounting as to who will fill in for her when she goes on maternity leave.

If she’s not replaced then questions will arise about her onerous and demanding role.

Backbenchers should form an orderly queue to make their pitch for the job.

Last of the McLoyalists Jumps Ship

Ultra-Brownite loyalist Kirsty McNeill has finally jumped ship from the tax-saving operation that is The Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown. The author of those tractor-stat speeches and stage manager of the cling to power, was brought in during those dark autumn days of 2009 when the Prime Mentalist was cracking under the pressure. She apparently told friends that she wanted to stay on until Gordon’s reputation has been restored after the election defeat. It seems she has got bored of waiting for hell to freeze over though…

Labour sources suggest that the OGSB has been very quiet in recently. With Brown’s PPS pregnant, and now his gatekeeper on the run, perhaps now would be an ideal time for the man himself to move on…

+ + + Brown Spotted In Westminster + + +

Isn’t it funny how Brown won’t turn up to Parliament to represent the people of Kirkcaldy and earn the £65,738, plus expenses and the pension, we pay him? Instead he goes around the world as he bids to restore his reputation, banking thousands for speeches while he does so.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Osborne Would Block Brown

Despite assuring us that he intended to disappear into the obscurity of the lefty charity world, the horror of Gordon becoming the head of the IMF somehow seems possible. On manoeuvres in Bretton Woods, Brown has been lobbying, without a trace of irony, to take the leadership of the body which is charged with managing deficits in cash strapped countries.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Going, Going, Gordon

So Gordon’s spokesgirl Kirsty McNeill denies that he is going anywhere. It seems the Labour MPs in the tea-room may have been getting a little ahead of themselves. Those so quick to accept her line completely might like to ask her why she is touting her CV around London head hunters though…

In nearly a year of being paid over £5,000 a month to represent the people of Kirkcaldy, Brown’s attendance record proves what everyone already knows – that his heart is not in it.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Where's Gordon™? – Being Leant On

You can imagine the fingers of blame pointing already…[…]

+ READ MORE +

Forsaken

It is a sad new tradition that at the start of PMQs tribute is paid to fallen soldiers. Lance Corporal Liam Tasker, of the First Military Working Dog Regiment, the Royal Army Veterinary Corps, was killed by small arms fire on patrol with his dog in Helmand Province on Tuesday of last week.[…]

+ READ MORE +

The Easiest Job in the World

Gordon Sarah Brown PPS McGovernAlison McGovern hasn’t had a glittering career outside of politics. According to her website she was head girl at school in 1998, don’t you know, then on to UCL. She worked briefly as a researcher at the House of Commons before going to spin for Network Rail.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Tony and Gordon's Charitable Tax Dodging

Gordon Brown’s constituents in Kircaldy must be delighted to hear that their part time MP is making a cool £15,000 an hour on the international stage. It’s no wonder he was so quick to give the money from his dire book sales to charity, on top of what he is raking in from speaking he would have only lost most of it in tax anyway.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Brown Blows Balls Line

Brown popped up to represent his constituents in Kirkcaldy on the American news channel CNBC earlier. Guido is sure Ed Balls was as happy as he was to see him. Given Osborne has spent the last six years systematically trashing Gordon Brown’s reputation, it must hurt when he is compared to the old Prime Mentalist.[…]

+ READ MORE +



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