Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Gordon Loses His Way Again With the PLP

Sky’s Jon Craig didn’t come into the Lobby to have his advice ignored. Last night the PM’s advance security detachment asked him which door Gordon should use to enter the PLP meeting. “The Chairman’s Entrance,” Craig told him. “The PM always uses the Chairman’s Entrance.”
Ian Austin, PPS to Gordon, ignored the advice leading the PM in via the “Members’ Entrance”, which, according to Craig;
plunged them into a throng of Labour MPs and peers waiting to hear the PM rather than to the platform from where he was due to speak, they emerged, sheepish and embarrassed, and headed for the “Chairman’s Entrance”.

“Gordon’s got lost again!” shouted one wag among the political journalists in the corridor. And indeed he had.

If only the Prime Minister, his PPS and his detective had listened to me.

Guido is compiling a (shades of Dale) list of the top twatty Mr Bean things that Mr Brown has done.

Going on the list are:

  1. Reading from an autocue obscuring his face at his “Gordon for Britain” launch.
  2. Tucking his trousers into his sock.
  3. Getting lost at Windsor Castle Dinner for Sarkozy to the amusement of Her Majesty.
  4. Locking himself in the toilet and having to ring Blair on his mobile to get him out.
  5. Absent mindedly picking his nose for two minutes on the front bench on budget day 2007 in full view of the Tory ranks and TV viewers.
  6. Getting entangled in balloons at a photo-op.
  7. After an interview with Adam Boulton in India, getting up and walking into a plant pot.
  8. Forgetting the access codes for his own office resulting in a No. 10 armed security response unit rushing to find him in his nightie.
  9. Telling the same anecdotal jokes time and again and still screwing them up.
  10. Trusting Blair to keep his word after the Granita dinner.
Any more twatty things? In the comments please…

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Where’s Gordon?™ "PM Got Lost" Says Her Majesty

Remember when he locked himself in a bathroom and had to be rescued by Blair? Or when he first became PM and was found at 5 a.m. downstairs in his dressing gown by armed police who had rushed to the scene outside his office after he forgot his security code? Mr Bean is the best description.

Friday, November 23, 2007

Bottler Gives Remaindered "Courage" Book to African Kids

In an attempt to shift remaindered copies of his vanity published book on Courage Gordon is today giving away copies to Ugandan school children.

Whose brilliant idea was that? The travelling press pack are laughing at him. As many co-conspirators have pointed out in the comments, what is it with Gordon and photo-ops at schools. Do his media team have any other ideas? It just looks awkward, him smiling away at the kids and forcing his book on them.

What did the kids do to deserve this treatment?

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Gordon Has Bottled It

The author of a book on Courage, the genius tactician, has bottled it. Gordon marched his troops to the top of the hill, and then he ran away.
The Brownies* will claim that they are “getting on with the job” but they have done nothing but electioneer, they are not governing, they are campaigning and spinning non-stop. They are more focused on good headlines than good governance.

Oh well, Guido has taken quite a few quid off those betting on an early election and that Tories to be the biggest party bet looks a lot better now.

Gordon’s judgement, to not simply squash the speculation, will be in question and his authority much reduced after this, Cameron called him on it without reservation. Dave didn’t flinch, Gordon just blinked…

*No longer will Guido use the macho sounding term Brownites, these are the Brownies. Compared to the Blairites, we really are dealing with the B-team.

Monday, September 17, 2007

Where’s Gordon?™ 4

Benedict Brogan and Adam Boulton shout the traditional cry which goes out when trouble is about – “Where’s Gordon?™”. Guido suspects Gordon will stay hiding behind the sofa if there are still queues outside branches of the Northern Rock or the Alliance & Leicester this morning. If there are no queues he’ll show his “courage”.

The open ended government guarantee promise is unprecedented. It could prove to be insane. If the housing market drops dramatically, mortgage repossessions could become even more endemic than they already are, with the result that the government could be left losing tens of billions of taxpayers funds. Bear in mind that Greenspan expects double digit percentage falls in house prices. Of course all we know of the terms is that Alastair Darling says “his word is his bond”. (He also said last week there was no problem with Northern Rock.) Equitable Life’s unfunded pensioners know the value of the government’s implicit rather than explicit guarantees. Zilch…

Monday, July 30, 2007

Brown Bonks Bonce

Nick Robinson and all the rest of the Lobby will be in full-on pontification mode today in Washington.

Yet again it falls to Guido to get the important news: Gordon Brown banged his head against the door frame as he boarded the Presidential helicopter. Perhaps he misunderstood and was over-excited to be on his way to see Camp David?

Billions spent on the BBC news gathering operation and they miss the big story again.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Downing Street Sore Losers Ignore Scotland

Tony Blair has congratulated Rhodri Morgan in Wales. The Queen even went to Scotland to meet and greet the new Scottish First Minister. The Irish PM, Bertie Ahern, has found time out from negotiating his coalition to also congratulate Alex Salmond.

Gordon, ever the sore loser, has not had the grace to congratulate his winning opponent. So his own home constituency is no longer in Labour hands, his own country is no longer in Labour hands for the first time in half-a-century, but is that any reason to be so grumpy and graceless? He will have to work with the SNP when he is PM. Whatever happened to his new politics, humbly listening to the people?


Video report on GuyNews.TV

Brown’s "Engagement" Agenda

Jackie Ashley has a gushing interview with Gordon in the Guardian this morning where we learn that he really loves being called Prime Minister* and that
“Brown believes the days of political parties as ‘small organisations of people who are accused of talking to themselves’ are over. In future, constituency parties will become local hubs, building links with other networks and groups, and using new technology to reach out way beyond their usual supporters… There are so many different forms of communication – writing, phoning, the internet – at the moment we’re not doing enough to keep people informed and to show people that when they have a view, we’re prepared to listen to them.”
Over at GordonBrown.Org, free from civil service restrictions, and even the old clunking party bureaucracy, he shows us the actual proof of the sincerity of his internet “engagement agenda”.

How is he doing at keeping people informed about his exciting campaign-hub-network-thingy for Britain? Well their feeble copy of the original Where’s Gordon? has only 4 reports of his whereabouts in 20 days, the original managed daily updates. The thousands of votes for a discussion on the NHS are ignored, there is no discussion. The whole site is as dead as wooden rocking horse, it is an ex-listening, ex-campaigning website. His whole “engaging online” guff is all bullshit, he doesn’t need to win votes so the whole need to engage is just tiresome. Guido knows WebCameron and WebGordon is no WebCameron.

Gordon now has no need to listen, no need to engage, no need to win a mandate from his party or the wider electorate. He will assume power and we will just have to lump it.

*In under a month the preciousss will be his, the sun will be darkened across the land and the English will be cursed with a new Scottish tyranny. Probably.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Gordon’s Campaign Site

As Dizzy first broke (and Gordon’s people denied and lied about) the Silverfish owned site GordonBrownforBritain.com has been launched. It has as always, pictures of Gordon with children and a Where is Gordon? google map. A Where’s Gordon?™ Google map is not an innovative idea. Do they have any original ideas?

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Here’s Gordon…

The Dead-Tree-Press in the shape of the Guardian’s Martin Kettle and even the Daily Mail have hopped on the Where’s Gordon?™ Meme. Particularly enjoyed this morning’s Where’s Gordo game featuring a naked Gordon- which seems to have been pulled from their website this afternoon. Did it displease Dacre?

The shiny all new GordonBrown.org and GordonBrownforBritiain.com* websites will launch tomorrow. Remember the denial put out by Silverfish, about buying domains on behalf of Gordon? Silverfish’s Mark Lucas claimed it was speculative, nothing to do with Gordon, they were building up a portfolio of internet domains and flying pigs etc.

In truth they were acting on the direct instructions of Gordon’s charmless spinmeister Damian McBride, to buy up websites for Gordon’s campaign. All will be revealed tomorrow. Guido hopes Silverfish come up with something better than “Dave the Chameleon” this time. Gordon needs all the help he can get…

UPDATE : ConservativeHome is reporting that the bogeyman will be doing photo-ops in Stevenage and Basildon tomorrow, the seats of Labour MPs Barbara Follett and Angela Smith respectively.

*There are a few others as well. Silverfish bought some of them off lucky owners for substantial sums.


Seen Elsewhere

What We Learned From the Referendum | FT
Scottish Crisis Moves South | Nick Wood
English Democrats Accidentally Celebrate Yes Victory | Pink News
Union In Its Current Form is Dead | Janan Ganesh
Labour Could Be Split in Two | Sun
Ashcroft Poll: Why Scotland Voted No | Buzzfeed
Boris: Change Barnett Formula | Sun
Cameron is Back | Dan Hodges
What Happens Now | James Kirkup
Cairo of the North | Quentin Letts
Labour are the Biggest Losers | Phil Collins


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“Labour MPs will unite behind Ed Miliband, once we find out what our policies are.”



It was only a tiny tiny collision.


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