Radioactive material has been detected in Dalgety Bay, Fife. The Scotsman reports:

“The Scottish Environmental Protection Agency (Sepa) found 17 radioactive particles on Friday, 33 on Saturday and a further 31 on Sunday. Contamination in the area is believed to originate from radioactive aeroplane dials, burned and buried in reclaimed land.”

UPDATE: For those wondering where Gordon is instead of representing his constituents – he’s sucking up to hedgies and investment bankers at the UNEP Finance Initiative 2011 Global Roundtable in the Meridian C Room of the Ronald Reagan Building and International Trade Center, Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, D.C. No risk of radiation poisoning there…

Guido has wondered in the past what exactly Alison McGovern does as Gordon Brown’s PPS. He never turns up or speaks, so why the dubious honour? Given McGovern is pregnant, speculation is mounting as to who will fill in for her when she goes on maternity leave.

If she’s not replaced then questions will arise about her onerous and demanding role.

Backbenchers should form an orderly queue to make their pitch for the job.

Ultra-Brownite loyalist Kirsty McNeill has finally jumped ship from the tax-saving operation that is The Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown. The author of those tractor-stat speeches and stage manager of the cling to power, was brought in during those dark autumn days of 2009 when the Prime Mentalist was cracking under the pressure. She apparently told friends that she wanted to stay on until Gordon’s reputation has been restored after the election defeat. It seems she has got bored of waiting for hell to freeze over though…

Labour sources suggest that the OGSB has been very quiet in recently. With Brown’s PPS pregnant, and now his gatekeeper on the run, perhaps now would be an ideal time for the man himself to move on…

Isn’t it funny how Brown won’t turn up to Parliament to represent the people of Kirkcaldy and earn the £65,738, plus expenses and the pension, we pay him? Instead he goes around the world as he bids to restore his reputation, banking thousands for speeches while he does so. Yet Obama turns up, and he’s up there like a greyhound. Perhaps it was to complain that those DVDs didn’t work…

Despite assuring us that he intended to disappear into the obscurity of the lefty charity world, the horror of Gordon becoming the head of the IMF somehow seems possible. On manoeuvres in Bretton Woods, Brown has been lobbying, without a trace of irony, to take the leadership of the body which is charged with managing deficits in cash strapped countries. Another week where the people of Kirkcaldy have been well represented in Parliament. 

Guido isn’t so sure he’s quite the shoe in that he is briefing he is, though perhaps they were impressed with his prudent management style and understanding of how governments can rack up such huge debts. Osborne’s people have made it clear that they would block the £270,000 pa appointment: ”It would be an insult to the British public if Gordon Brown were to be put forward for this job. This is the man who wrecked the British economy and has never apologised. It is not going to happen on our watch.”

Guido won’t be buying back those Nokia shares just yet.

So Gordon’s spokesgirl Kirsty McNeill denies that he is going anywhere. It seems the Labour MPs in the tea-room may have been getting a little ahead of themselves. Those so quick to accept her line completely might like to ask her why she is touting her CV around London head hunters though…

In nearly a year of being paid over £5,000 a month to represent the people of Kirkcaldy, Brown’s attendance record proves what everyone already knows – that his heart is not in it. He doesn’t turn up at debates, has asked just a handful of written questions and has done nothing to earn his taxpayer-funded salary. If he’s not really planning on shortly moving on, why not?

UPDATE: A co-conspirator writes:

Worth pointing out that likely successor John Park MSP suddenly stood down from his FPTP seat in the Edinburgh elections. Easing the way for a move to Westminster despite being Labour’s election coordinator.

Am told that the Labour Whips now trying to lean on Gordon Brown not to make his rumoured Chamber Budget Day speech.—
Greg Hands (@GregHands) March 14, 2011

You can imagine the fingers of blame pointing already…

It is a sad new tradition that at the start of PMQs tribute is paid to fallen soldiers. Lance Corporal Liam Tasker, of the First Military Working Dog Regiment, the Royal Army Veterinary Corps, was killed by small arms fire on patrol with his dog in Helmand Province on Tuesday of last week.

His springer spaniel, Theo, suffered a seizure shortly afterwards and died. The British are very sentimental about dogs and combined with the death of young Lance Corporal Liam Tasker, who was flown back from Helmand with Theo, this story touched the hearts of many.  On Wednesday at PMQs he was given the customary and deserved tribute by the PM and the leader of the opposition.

The Speaker in this situation often gives priority to the constituency MP of the fallen hero to say a few words of comfort. No such comfort was offered on this occasion. Liam Tasker was born in Kirkcaldy.

Alison McGovern hasn’t had a glittering career outside of politics. According to her website she was head girl at school in 1998, don’t you know, then on to UCL. She worked briefly as a researcher at the House of Commons before going to spin for Network Rail. She was elected in May, and as Guido reported at the time, immediately promoted to the dubious role of Gordon Brown’s PPS. Though no longer a frontbencher, or even a participating Member of Parliament, Gordon found it necessary to recruit such a minion.

You would think that after Brown’s abject failure to turn up to Parliament to represent the people of Kirkcaldy, Alison would have quietly dropped the laughable non-job description, but no, she is still using it today to promote her role as a Labour Yes2AV spokesman. So how has Gordon been keeping his PPS busy?

The  job normally entails:

• Being with the Minister at all times in the Chamber and for meetings on the Parliamentary estate. Gordon has given one backbench speech in an adjournment debate since May 2010 and asked a handful of written questions.
• Liaising between Commons and your bosses Government department. Gordon doesn’t have a department.
• Controlling access to the boss for other MPs who want to see him. Would anybody be seen dead seeking Brown’s advice?

Many would argue there is little point to Gordon Brown in his current role, let alone his PPS.

Gordon Brown’s constituents in Kircaldy must be delighted to hear that their part time MP is making a cool £15,000 an hour on the international stage. It’s no wonder he was so quick to give the money from his dire book sales to charity, on top of what he is raking in from speaking he would have only lost most of it in tax anyway. The rest of the cash is apparently going straight to The Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown and thus his staff and operation. If he paid his staff out of his fees they would be paid out of 50% post-tax income, this way they are paid out of untaxed income – a handy little tax dodge.The GB/SB Office is not a charity though, unlike the similar structure Blair has set up.

Through his Sports foundation, a charity, Blair is able to avoid paying tax on income he receives. The charity comes into question when it is revealed that the charity isn’t really doing very much. They paid more in staff costs in the last quarter than they spent on charitable activity. A similar get up is going on with the Faith Foundation which employs old loyalists like Ruth Turner at £120,000 a pop. With Blair’s staff costs rumoured to be a £5m a year, that’s a heck of a lot of cash saved through the donations and “charity” staff.

UPDATE: Guido is trying to get hold of someone from UK Uncut who will no doubt be livid about such practices. Right?