UKIP Manifesto: Picture Worth a Thousand Words

nuttal
On the page of the UKIP manifesto about the importance of education Deputy Leader Paul Nuttall is holding a book called ‘British Rebels and Reformers’.

According to Amazon, it’s a picture book…

UKIP Pledge To Protect Green and Pleasant Land

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Gaia was excited to get up early this morning in order to attend UKIP’s briefing on their policies for the countryside – “Protecting Our Green and Pleasant Land“. It was disappointing that so few others in the press felt the same way, by Gaia’s count there were 5 other journalists. The UKIP comms operation outnumbered journos two to one…

Heavy hitters Patrick O’Flynn and Suzanne Evans started off by reassuring everybody that they like the countryside a lot and are nothing like the other parties who hate the countryside. Labour hate it and the Tories really hate it. 

They hate it so much that they’re going to build lots of houses all over it. UKIP won’t let that happen, they will build lots of houses on brownfield land and stop foreign nationals from getting social housing. Also they will stop uncontrolled immigration.

How many brownfield sites are there? UKIP aren’t really sure but they would build a million houses on them in the next decade. How many non-British nationals are living in social housing? UKIP aren’t really sure but aren’t there a lot of rich foreigners buying up expensive housing in London.

Despite Gobby’s pleading, the journos had run out of questions. Gaia shuffled out into the sunlight for a fag and a croissant…

#Pray4UKIP: UKIP Does God

Do not fear after reading that ICM poll, Ukippers, for Nigel Farage has God on his side:

Or to be specific, he has the blessing of the Royal Disciple church in Pakistan, who have proclaimed “our prayers is with you to all members of UKIP [sic]” in a poster stuck up behind their cross:

Pastor Francis Bashir explains that his congregation “likes UKIP and are praying for your family, your country and your party”. Apparently he “wants them to win because the party stands up for Christian culture and values and people from the Commonwealth”.

The Lahore churchgoers add, quoth Jeremiah 1:10, “I give you authority over nations and kingdoms to uproot and to pull down, to destroy and to overthrow”. Or, you know, just win South Thanet…

Have the Tories Given Up on Clacton?

If their candidate’s website is anything to go by, the answer is yes. ‘I’m the only candidate at this by-election with a clear plan to secure our area’s future’ says Giles Watling, just six months out of date:

watling

Eric Pickles cancelled a visit at the last minute last week – and UKIP sources report a complete lack of Tory presence trying to win back the seat. Guido hears that the results of a survey put out in the constituency by the Conservatives were so dire for the party that they decided to divert resources elsewhere…

Sorry Dan:

Nigel Farage is in Clacton today visiting a hinge factory – insert your own jokes here – yet it’s clear there’s not going to be much of a swing back to the Tories in May. The same cannot be said of Rochester,  however…

Sausage Roll Treating Kipper Turns Up to Police Station… With Sausage Rolls

Remember Kim Rose, the UKIP candidate shopped to the fuzz for apparently bribing voters with sausage rolls? Here is he turning up at a police station in Southampton to be questioned this morning:

They see him rollin’, they hatin’

Via @MarkerJParker

Tory Nerves Fraying

one-month-rolling-average

This is the rolling poll-of-polls average for the last month. See how the blue line moves in the opposite direction to the purple line? If the Tories can’t recover those lost UKIP voters this month… the socialist terror will begin on May 8…

Farage: “Labour Hate England”

Responding to the news that a Labour candidate called for cars flying the England flag to be vandalised, Nigel Farage has come out guns blazing:

“It is clear Ed and his party have learnt nothing from Emily Thornberry and that Labour hate England.”

Punchy…

Scary Kipper Sticks It To Beeb

Remember that Tory candidate turned UKIP defector who said “I just want to send the lot back“? Could she be Grimsby’s next MP?

A Sign From Gob

UKIP got through their women’s policy launch without anyone being called a slut or told to clean behind their fridge. The only hitch was the big sign at the back falling on their comms chief Paul “Gobby” Lambert, who continues […]

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Blue-KIP

By day, John Langley is UKIP’s deputy chairman in Bristol, also standing for the party in next month’s city elections. By night he is Johnny Rockard, star of “Johnny Rockard gives Welsh BDSM MILF Bella pain and pleasure” and “Johnny […]

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What’s Up, Nigel?

Seems spending the day with Joey Essex is enough to try the patience of a saint…

Via @robindbrant and Yohei Morimoto

UPDATE: A source close to Farage says he is just “tired” after a “long day”.[…]

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Joey Essex: Nige is a “Reem Guy”

[…]

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Quote of the Day

Adam Boulton says David Cameron campaigned as a neo-Thatcherite…

“The manifesto programme, with its sell-off of social housing, clampdown on public sector strikes, EU in/out referendum and benefit cuts, represents a much more traditional, neo-Thatcherite conservatism than that offered by Cameron Mk 1…”

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