#Pray4UKIP: UKIP Does God

Do not fear after reading that ICM poll, Ukippers, for Nigel Farage has God on his side:

Or to be specific, he has the blessing of the Royal Disciple church in Pakistan, who have proclaimed “our prayers is with you to all members of UKIP [sic]” in a poster stuck up behind their cross:

Pastor Francis Bashir explains that his congregation “likes UKIP and are praying for your family, your country and your party”. Apparently he “wants them to win because the party stands up for Christian culture and values and people from the Commonwealth”.

The Lahore churchgoers add, quoth Jeremiah 1:10, “I give you authority over nations and kingdoms to uproot and to pull down, to destroy and to overthrow”. Or, you know, just win South Thanet…

Have the Tories Given Up on Clacton?

If their candidate’s website is anything to go by, the answer is yes. ‘I’m the only candidate at this by-election with a clear plan to secure our area’s future’ says Giles Watling, just six months out of date:

watling

Eric Pickles cancelled a visit at the last minute last week – and UKIP sources report a complete lack of Tory presence trying to win back the seat. Guido hears that the results of a survey put out in the constituency by the Conservatives were so dire for the party that they decided to divert resources elsewhere…

Sorry Dan:

Nigel Farage is in Clacton today visiting a hinge factory – insert your own jokes here – yet it’s clear there’s not going to be much of a swing back to the Tories in May. The same cannot be said of Rochester,  however…

Sausage Roll Treating Kipper Turns Up to Police Station… With Sausage Rolls

Remember Kim Rose, the UKIP candidate shopped to the fuzz for apparently bribing voters with sausage rolls? Here is he turning up at a police station in Southampton to be questioned this morning:

They see him rollin’, they hatin’

Via @MarkerJParker

Tory Nerves Fraying

one-month-rolling-average

This is the rolling poll-of-polls average for the last month. See how the blue line moves in the opposite direction to the purple line? If the Tories can’t recover those lost UKIP voters this month… the socialist terror will begin on May 8…

Farage: “Labour Hate England”

Responding to the news that a Labour candidate called for cars flying the England flag to be vandalised, Nigel Farage has come out guns blazing:

“It is clear Ed and his party have learnt nothing from Emily Thornberry and that Labour hate England.”

Punchy…

Scary Kipper Sticks It To Beeb

Remember that Tory candidate turned UKIP defector who said “I just want to send the lot back“? Could she be Grimsby’s next MP?

A Sign From Gob

UKIP got through their women’s policy launch without anyone being called a slut or told to clean behind their fridge. The only hitch was the big sign at the back falling on their comms chief Paul “Gobby” Lambert, who continues to look as if he is having the time of his life since moving over to the dark side. Is he going to resign?

Blue-KIP

By day, John Langley is UKIP’s deputy chairman in Bristol, also standing for the party in next month’s city elections. By night he is Johnny Rockard, star of “Johnny Rockard gives Welsh BDSM MILF Bella pain and pleasure” and “Johnny Rockard and Xzena Porn Warrior Princess Extreme”, and other such quality motion pictures.

Well at least he hasn’t said anything racist on Twitter…

What’s Up, Nigel?

Seems spending the day with Joey Essex is enough to try the patience of a saint…

Via @robindbrant and Yohei Morimoto

UPDATE: A source close to Farage says he is just “tired” after a “long day”.[…]

+ READ MORE +

Joey Essex: Nige is a “Reem Guy”

[…]

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Mensch Funding Anti-UKIP Fight

Louise Mensch’s stoic Twitter followers will be well aware that she really doesn’t like UKIP. She usually reminds us around midday UK time, when the sun comes up in New York. Mensch is bankrolling the election campaigns of Tory MPs […]

+ READ MORE +

Patrick O’Flynn is Watching You

UKIP are the party of straight-talking and free-thinking, so much so that this morning Patrick O’Flynn sent a stinging missive to the party’s candidates warning them not to step out of line. “Unity is Strength” says Paddy, lifting the charming […]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Labour candidate Clive Lewis tells the Staggers:

“I mean, in the multiverse there’s still three universes in a hundred where there’s a Green MP in Norwich, so anything could happen. I could be caught with my pants down behind a goat with Ed Miliband at the other end – well, hopefully that won’t happen.”

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