Where’s Ed Balls?

The silent Shadow Chancellor is still keeping quiet despite some heavy briefing against him from colleagues at the weekend. One Labour MP told the Mail:

“Balls used to throw his weight around in Shadow Cabinet meetings and ignore Ed Miliband when he spoke. Now Balls is totally out of sorts. He doesn’t say much at Shadow Cabinet meetings and when he does, he is the one who is ignored. He has lost his mojo.”

Silence yesterday as well. So where was he? Hidden away at a very safe distance up in Scotland bravely knocking on doors with his old boss Gordon Brown, it turns out:

Anyone would think he was cursed…

McMental: I Saved the World But No One Listened

Gordon Brown has taken the time to represent the people of Kirkcaldy in the pages of the New York Times. Like a drunk shouting on a park bench about the apocalypse, Gordon’s new line is that he saved the world but nobody was listening:

“In early October 2008, three weeks after the Lehman Brothers collapse, I met in Paris with leaders of the countries in the euro zone. Oblivious to the global dimension of the financial crisis, they took the view that if there was fallout for Europe, America would be to blame — so it would be for America to fix. I was unable to convince them that half of the bundled subprime-mortgage securities that were about to blow up had landed in Europe and that euro-area banks were, in fact, more highly leveraged than America’s.”

Remember kids, Gordon “not only saved the world, but we saved the banks too.” Yes, the food banks…

Blanchflower Wrong Again

Poor Danny Blanchflower is at it again. The man that predicted three of this year’s triple dip recessions and said in May “I nearly fell over laughing when I heard Mervyn King say there’s a recovery in sight”, has turned his brilliant mind to pay. Taking to the Indy, Blanchflower has bluntly claimed: “Take if from me: wages are not going to rise much over the coming years”. Just like his predicted 5 million unemployed under Osborne, it turns out Blanchflower is wrong. Again.  According to a survey by KPMG for Markit, pay growth has hit a six year high this month

Free John Bercow

John Bercow has decreed that today’s Commons sitting will be devoted to honouring Nelson Mandela, though he has not always been such a big fan. Former Big Brother star Derek Laud, who was a member of the Monday Club along with Bercow, claims:

According to the club, Nelson Mandela was a “criminal” and “deserved” his prison sentence. I was alone in saying the opposite and John and his cohorts told me I only felt such a thing because I was black.”

Guido was having a little read of Bobby Freidman’s Bercow biography over the weekend. Let’s hope no one mentions the fact that Bercow was on very good terms with John Carlisle, the so-called “MP for Pretoria” who infamously said that “the system of apartheid in South Africa has worked in terms of government”. Carlisle said Bercow “broadly subscribed to what I was saying”:

“He used to ring me up to say, ‘Where are you going next, can I come?’ He knew what I was speaking on, my reputation, the opposition we would find… John would never have come on those trips if he hadn’t concurred with those views.”

On one occasion Carlisle was due to speak at the Cambridge Union, proposing an anti-sanctions motion. As the party made their way to the Union, they came across protesters waiting for them and amidst a sea of rotten eggs, Bercow started arguing back. “He loved it,” Carlisle recalls, “he was good on his feet and believed in the cause, he genuinely did.”

Let’s hope no one brings this up at Bercow’s special memorial event…

Watson Votes With Tories Despite His Gambling Campaign

Yesterday Guido brought you Tom Watson’s Damascene conversion over fixed odd betting terminals, which he had backed while on the CMS Select Committee, but has recently taken up as his latest cause. Last night the people’s champion accidentally voted the wrong way – against restrictions – on the machines:

“So I supported the government on their report into Fixed Odds Betting Terminals. On most days few would  notice this act of tiny rebellion. Except this was the day in which I made the front page of the Daily Mail, leading the campaign against FOBTs. This week I’ve spent sleepless nights drafting campaign packs, model letters, petitions and press releases in order to gather support for the campaign against FOBTs and their corrosive impact in every High Street in Britain. So basically, this was about the most embarrassing vote I could make a mistake on.”

One in the eye for that image of a super-campaigner he has spent so long cultivating. A long lunch?

Lammy’s London Policy is Off the Rails

Fiercely bright London Mayor hopeful David Lammy has come up with an ingenious plan to help London’s commuters while on a fact-finding mission to Paris:

Guido cannot envisage a single problem with this plan. He’s sure Lammy has fully costed the proposal to widen and heighten all of those deep tube tunnels that would have to double in size.

Prime Mentalist Flips Out at Whips For Being Made to Work

Tory MPs walking to the Tea Room report that Gordon has been loudly remonstrating Labour whips in their office so loudly that they could hear from the corridor. The former Prime Mentalist is apparently rather unhappy at being made to come back to vote, as he is paid to do, when the Tory army rebellion was beaten comfortably. One tells Guido he was “having an absolute barney”. It’s almost as if he’s an ex-politician resenting being made to represent his constituents… 

“Ex-Politician” Gordon Paid £349,501 in One Month

No wonder the Prime Mentalist has forgotten he is still an MP. In October alone he has declared payments for outside work of £349,501, including for speeches and junkets to Shanghai, Johannesburg, Monaco and New York. As ever Gordon warns the press:

“I am not receiving any money from this role personally. It is being held by the Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown for the employment of staff to support my ongoing involvement in public life.”

Presumably that’s the “ongoing involvement in public life” he cannot remember he is still supposed to be doing.

That “office” flies Gordon around the world first class and puts him up in five star hotels, refuses to disclose how much it gives to charity, how much it pays Sarah Brown, how much is sitting in its bank account for when he finally quits. Who does he think he’s kidding…

WATCH: Gordon Brown Forgets He is an MP

Gordon Brown, speaking to Mishal Husain and the Queen of Jordan in Qatar today, reveals he sees himself as an “ex-politician”. Someone should tell the people of Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath…[…]

+ READ MORE +

Sunny Hundal’s Greatest Hits
Proof the IDS Welfare-to-Work Reforms Working

So farewell then, Sunny Hundal. Liberal Conspiracy is soon to be no more. Sunny is closing it down because “there is just too much opinion out there”, he is off to lecture at Brian Cathcart’s world-renowned Kingston University. Proof that […]

+ READ MORE +

Prime Mentalist Going Loco Down in Acapulco

Parliament has a full schedule this week, so of course Gordon is instead jetting off to a Mexican party town to address a conference on the financial crisis. He has clearly brought the Curse of Jonah with him. Just this […]

+ READ MORE +

Right-Wing Cornerstone Tories Slam “Muppet” Afriyie

Last night the greatest politician of this or any other generation tweeted:

However people in […]

+ READ MORE +



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Quote of the Day

Charles Clarke says Cameron is the most successful PM for over a century…

“Under Margaret Thatcher the Conservatives gained 99 seats. They lost 211 under John Major, gained one under William Hague, quickly and wisely got rid of Ian Duncan-Smith, gained 32 under Michael Howard and have so far gained 133 under David Cameron who, to the great surprise of many (including senior Conservatives), has turned out to be the most electorally successful Tory leader since 1900.”

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