Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Prime Mentalist Flips Out at Whips For Being Made to Work

Tory MPs walking to the Tea Room report that Gordon has been loudly remonstrating Labour whips in their office so loudly that they could hear from the corridor. The former Prime Mentalist is apparently rather unhappy at being made to come back to vote, as he is paid to do, when the Tory army rebellion was beaten comfortably. One tells Guido he was “having an absolute barney”. It’s almost as if he’s an ex-politician resenting being made to represent his constituents… 

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

“Ex-Politician” Gordon Paid £349,501 in One Month

No wonder the Prime Mentalist has forgotten he is still an MP. In October alone he has declared payments for outside work of £349,501, including for speeches and junkets to Shanghai, Johannesburg, Monaco and New York. As ever Gordon warns the press:

“I am not receiving any money from this role personally. It is being held by the Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown for the employment of staff to support my ongoing involvement in public life.”

Presumably that’s the “ongoing involvement in public life” he cannot remember he is still supposed to be doing.

That “office” flies Gordon around the world first class and puts him up in five star hotels, refuses to disclose how much it gives to charity, how much it pays Sarah Brown, how much is sitting in its bank account for when he finally quits. Who does he think he’s kidding…

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

WATCH: Gordon Brown Forgets He is an MP

Friday, October 25, 2013

Sunny Hundal’s Greatest Hits
Proof the IDS Welfare-to-Work Reforms Working

So farewell then, Sunny Hundal. Liberal Conspiracy is soon to be no more. Sunny is closing it down because “there is just too much opinion out there”, he is off to lecture at Brian Cathcart’s world-renowned Kingston University. Proof that IDS’ policies are working. Welfare-to-work has succeeded in reducing Hounslow’s unemployment rate…

We’re going to miss him. So many precious memories:

There was the time he took to Twitter from his mum’s spare bedroom to stick up for Chris Huhne, at the time Guido was pushing the story:

There was the time he “exclusively leaked” the Coalition agreement, when it had already been published by the BBC and was officially available to download. When he celebrated the hospitalisation of someone he disagrees with. The time he dismissed the student protest violence at CCHQ, calling the Tories and police wusses. And when he got to the bottom of what losing the Bradford West by-election really meant for Labour:

Who can forget the the time he voted Green. The time he voted LibDem. The time he said vote Tory. All despite being Miliband’s biggest cheerleader.

Not to mention when he was ridiculed by the entire internet for trying to argue that all right-wingers are evil. When he set up a petition to debate in parliament something he didn’t want to be debated in parliament. And when Jim Naughtie told him to shut up. Finally, when he was named the 16th worst person on Twitter:

“He perfectly encapsulates the uselessness of political discussion in Britain. He isn’t even effective at the minor, inconsequential tasks he sets for himself.”

“We want to be the hub” of left-wing online collaborative politics, Sunny said grandly back in 2007. Turns out it’s just a one-man show. ‘Innit…

N.B. Feel free to add any other favourites from the Sunny back catalogue in the comments.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Prime Mentalist Going Loco Down in Acapulco

Parliament has a full schedule this week, so of course Gordon is instead jetting off to a Mexican party town to address a conference on the financial crisis. He has clearly brought the Curse of Jonah with him. Just this week Acapulco has been battered by storms and heavy flooding, if that wasn’t enough CNN reports on its recent “economic devastation”. It is also reportedly set to go bankrupt. Hurricane Jonah strikes again…

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Right-Wing Cornerstone Tories Slam “Muppet” Afriyie

Last night the greatest politician of this or any other generation tweeted:

However people in the room say this meeting was far from constructive. Guido is told that Bill Cash, Bernard Jenkins, John Hayes and Edward Leigh stuck it to Afriyie in no uncertain terms with the word “muppet” being thrown around about his EU referendum amendment. Euro-sceptic right-wing Tory MPs tell Guido that there is a growing consensus on the Tory benches that Afriyie has now blown his career so badly that he should stand down in 2015. “He won’t though, he still thinks he is a man of destiny”, says one.

Éoin Clarke is an Idiot (Part 94)

According to the Office of National Statistics in May 2010 UK unemployment increased to 2.51 million or a rate of 8%.

According to the Office of National Statistics in a release yesterday in August 2013 UK unemployment decreased to 2.49 million and the unemployment rate dropped to 7.7%

Éoin Clarke is an idiot…

UPDATE: A number of readers in the comments are asking “Who is Éoin Clarke?”. He is an idiot.

See also The Many Apologies of “Dr” Eoin Clarke

Monday, October 14, 2013

Afriyie Two Times Tories

Adam Afriyie’s quest for world domination continues from strength to strength.

Guido hears that the future Tory leader has been taking tea-party soundings with various backbenchers.

These niceties are essential for any future Prime Minister building support amongst his party troops, yet you would have expected someone of Afriyie’s monumental standing and renowned competence to keep a list of who has been invited.

The Tory benches are awash with tales of various members being summoned for not one, but two, cuppas and a chat with their future leader, only to discover Adam is introducing himself again as if they had never met. Yes he did!

 

Friday, October 11, 2013

WATCH: Jo Swinson’s Finest Hour

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Tory MPs Humiliate Afriyie

Scoop from the Speccie: 140 of the 147 members of the 2010 intake Tory MPs have signed a letter telling Adam Afriyie to drop his EU amendment.

Dear Adam

Delivering a referendum on our membership of the EU is, as you have said, essential. We believe that the bill before the House provides in its current form the best opportunity to secure this outcome, in part because of its uncomplicated, unambiguous nature. This gives the Bill the best chance of progressing through the House.

So, whilst we recognise the sense of urgency reflected in your amendment, we feel that this will jeopardize the progress of legislation and the prospect of a referendum. Knowing that you value and respect the views of colleagues we hope and request that you withdraw support for the amendment tabled in your name.

Which is just about as awkward as it could get for someone who wants to be leader. Going on Question Time this evening yet another Team Afriyie media strategy success…


Seen Elsewhere

Comply or Die at Grauniad | MediaGuido
Labour Beats UKIP in South Yorkshire | LabourList
Mock the Week’s Weak Comedy | Nigel Farage
Can Jim Murphy Save Scottish Labour? | Guardian
There is Still Appetite for the Westminster Lunch | Jon Craig
Labour Turn Their Backs on Jewish Community | Dan Hodges
Chivalry is Not Dead | Laura Perrins
Jonathan Jones is a Tw*t | Iain Dale
Second Scotland Poll Suggests Labour Wipeout | Times
Paedo Probe Boss Urged to Quit | Sun
Keynesian Tories Won’t Eliminate Deficit | Tim Montgomerie


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