Monday, December 2, 2013

Lammy’s London Policy is Off the Rails

Fiercely bright London Mayor hopeful David Lammy has come up with an ingenious plan to help London’s commuters while on a fact-finding mission to Paris:

Guido cannot envisage a single problem with this plan. He’s sure Lammy has fully costed the proposal to widen and heighten all of those deep tube tunnels that would have to double in size.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Prime Mentalist Flips Out at Whips For Being Made to Work

Tory MPs walking to the Tea Room report that Gordon has been loudly remonstrating Labour whips in their office so loudly that they could hear from the corridor. The former Prime Mentalist is apparently rather unhappy at being made to come back to vote, as he is paid to do, when the Tory army rebellion was beaten comfortably. One tells Guido he was “having an absolute barney”. It’s almost as if he’s an ex-politician resenting being made to represent his constituents… 

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

“Ex-Politician” Gordon Paid £349,501 in One Month

No wonder the Prime Mentalist has forgotten he is still an MP. In October alone he has declared payments for outside work of £349,501, including for speeches and junkets to Shanghai, Johannesburg, Monaco and New York. As ever Gordon warns the press:

“I am not receiving any money from this role personally. It is being held by the Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown for the employment of staff to support my ongoing involvement in public life.”

Presumably that’s the “ongoing involvement in public life” he cannot remember he is still supposed to be doing.

That “office” flies Gordon around the world first class and puts him up in five star hotels, refuses to disclose how much it gives to charity, how much it pays Sarah Brown, how much is sitting in its bank account for when he finally quits. Who does he think he’s kidding…

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

WATCH: Gordon Brown Forgets He is an MP

Friday, October 25, 2013

Sunny Hundal’s Greatest Hits
Proof the IDS Welfare-to-Work Reforms Working

So farewell then, Sunny Hundal. Liberal Conspiracy is soon to be no more. Sunny is closing it down because “there is just too much opinion out there”, he is off to lecture at Brian Cathcart’s world-renowned Kingston University. Proof that IDS’ policies are working. Welfare-to-work has succeeded in reducing Hounslow’s unemployment rate…

We’re going to miss him. So many precious memories:

There was the time he took to Twitter from his mum’s spare bedroom to stick up for Chris Huhne, at the time Guido was pushing the story:

There was the time he “exclusively leaked” the Coalition agreement, when it had already been published by the BBC and was officially available to download. When he celebrated the hospitalisation of someone he disagrees with. The time he dismissed the student protest violence at CCHQ, calling the Tories and police wusses. And when he got to the bottom of what losing the Bradford West by-election really meant for Labour:

Who can forget the the time he voted Green. The time he voted LibDem. The time he said vote Tory. All despite being Miliband’s biggest cheerleader.

Not to mention when he was ridiculed by the entire internet for trying to argue that all right-wingers are evil. When he set up a petition to debate in parliament something he didn’t want to be debated in parliament. And when Jim Naughtie told him to shut up. Finally, when he was named the 16th worst person on Twitter:

“He perfectly encapsulates the uselessness of political discussion in Britain. He isn’t even effective at the minor, inconsequential tasks he sets for himself.”

“We want to be the hub” of left-wing online collaborative politics, Sunny said grandly back in 2007. Turns out it’s just a one-man show. ‘Innit…

N.B. Feel free to add any other favourites from the Sunny back catalogue in the comments.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Prime Mentalist Going Loco Down in Acapulco

Parliament has a full schedule this week, so of course Gordon is instead jetting off to a Mexican party town to address a conference on the financial crisis. He has clearly brought the Curse of Jonah with him. Just this week Acapulco has been battered by storms and heavy flooding, if that wasn’t enough CNN reports on its recent “economic devastation”. It is also reportedly set to go bankrupt. Hurricane Jonah strikes again…

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Right-Wing Cornerstone Tories Slam “Muppet” Afriyie

Last night the greatest politician of this or any other generation tweeted:

However people in the room say this meeting was far from constructive. Guido is told that Bill Cash, Bernard Jenkins, John Hayes and Edward Leigh stuck it to Afriyie in no uncertain terms with the word “muppet” being thrown around about his EU referendum amendment. Euro-sceptic right-wing Tory MPs tell Guido that there is a growing consensus on the Tory benches that Afriyie has now blown his career so badly that he should stand down in 2015. “He won’t though, he still thinks he is a man of destiny”, says one.

Éoin Clarke is an Idiot (Part 94)

According to the Office of National Statistics in May 2010 UK unemployment increased to 2.51 million or a rate of 8%.

According to the Office of National Statistics in a release yesterday in August 2013 UK unemployment decreased to 2.49 million and the unemployment rate dropped to 7.7%

Éoin Clarke is an idiot…

UPDATE: A number of readers in the comments are asking “Who is Éoin Clarke?”. He is an idiot.

See also The Many Apologies of “Dr” Eoin Clarke

Monday, October 14, 2013

Afriyie Two Times Tories

Adam Afriyie’s quest for world domination continues from strength to strength.

Guido hears that the future Tory leader has been taking tea-party soundings with various backbenchers.

These niceties are essential for any future Prime Minister building support amongst his party troops, yet you would have expected someone of Afriyie’s monumental standing and renowned competence to keep a list of who has been invited.

The Tory benches are awash with tales of various members being summoned for not one, but two, cuppas and a chat with their future leader, only to discover Adam is introducing himself again as if they had never met. Yes he did!

 

Friday, October 11, 2013

WATCH: Jo Swinson’s Finest Hour


Seen Elsewhere

Even Ed’s Friends Call Him ‘Bad Luck Magnet’ | Mail
BBC: It Was Guido Wot Won It | MediaGuido
Nick Robinson’s Britain First Selfie | Metro
Dyson: Leave German Dominated EU, Join EFTA |
How UKIP Won Rochester | Seb Payne
Labour’s Islington Problem | Harry Phibbs
Ed Lost More Than a By-Election | Labour Uncut
Labour the Biggest Losers in Rochester | Speccie
Thornberry a Gift to Farage | Nick Wood
Is Left Finally Turning Against EU? | Dan Hannan
Labour Votes Going Green | Guardian


Find out more about PLMR AD-MS


Ralph Miliband on the English…

“The Englishman is a rabid nationalist. They are perhaps the most nationalist people in the world.”



Left on Left says:

The lefties are attacking because the panellist is a millionaire and lives in a London home worth upwards of two million. Someone had best tell them he’s called Ed Miliband.


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