Thursday, December 3, 2009

Jonah Goes to Hollywood, Spain

This is not up there with the town Jonah Brown spent his summer holidays in being subjected to a once-in-a-thousand-years flood consequently.  He just muddled up the name of one of Hollywood and the world’s most recognisable actresses.

Is he deaf, forgetful or stupid as well as half-blind?  He told the House of Commons at Prime Minister’s Questions: “I am very grateful that Renee Witherspoon is leading this campaign…She spoke movingly at the funeral of (film director) Anthony Minghella and I welcome her to the House today.” Of course this never happened, like Spain being a member of the G20, it is just another figment of the Prime Mentalist’s confused imagination…

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Jonah Brown Curses Kent

Gordon’s visited Kent last Thursday. It didn’t take long for the effects of this visit to be felt though, by Saturday the storms were raging across Kent:

“Dover port was closed just after midday on Saturday due to the high winds but reopened at 1630 GMT. Kevin Richardson from the Port of Dover Authority said there were ongoing delays to ferry crossings. The Dartford river crossing, Sheppey crossing and Medway bridge were closed by Kent Police on Saturday afternoon.”

The wind battered and the rain poured down:

“Severe flooding and sewage contamination has forced a church school to close today and send home hundreds of pupils. The heavy rainfall overnight combined with a cloudburst between 7.30am and 8.15am on Friday morning caused sudden flooding to several buildings at Bennett Memorial Diocesan School in Tunbridge Wells. The main hall, classrooms and playground were swamped with flood water and sewage.”

The curse of Jonah strikes again…

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Jonah Jinx Jeopardises Jobs

imperialThe effectiveness of the curse of Jonah Brown is accelerating:

Last week :
Gordon Brown Backs Aluminium Plant- BBC

Today:
Aluminium Plant Cutting 250 Jobs – BBC

Two days ago:
Brown and Ministers Highlight Imperial Healthcare Innovation

Imperial College News

Hours later :
Axe Hovers Over Imperial’s Faculty of Medicine

Times Higher Education Supplement

If he plans to visit your office, throw a sickie or risk getting the sack days later…

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Dale’s Twitter List Lacking

Far be it from Guido to advise the blogosphere’s esteemed lister-in-chief on how to make a list, nevertheless it has to be said his list of political Twitterers seems deficient: Boris Johnson is #1 by far with over forty thousand followers.

He has also forgotten Derek Draper with some four thousand followers.  Derek might not have achieved much, but this now silent Twitter feed was very important to him.  Let us not deny him his mega-twittery…

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Jonah Jinxes Academy

The Time Educational Supplement headlines it clearly Academy Lauded by Brown Put on Notice

Sheffield Academy JinxedSchool PM Praised for ‘Dynamism’ is One of Two Found Wanting by Ofsted

Two multi-million pound academies have been described as inadequate by Ofsted in the same week. Sheffield Springs Academy and Westminster Academy have both been heavily criticised by inspectors for failing to reach high enough standards and have had their overall performance given a grade four – the lowest possible mark.

Sheffield Springs was visited by Gordon Brown in May, the next week  inspectors called. The Prime Mentalist praised the school’s pupils for their “dynamism”, “determination to succeed” and “high morale”.  The inspectors on the other hand pointed to teachers failing to meet students’ individual needs, poor leadership and inadequate governance. 

Very much like our national situation in a microcosm:  failing to meet individual needs, poor leadership and inadequate governance.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Lords Savage Brown’s YouTubed Parliamentary Standards Bill

The House of Lords Select Committee on the Constitution report on the Parliamentary Standards Bill was out yesterday, and they didn’t pull their punches:

Download the BillWe are particularly concerned by the hasty manner in which policy-making has taken place, with negligible public consultation, and the subsequent ‘fast-tracking’ through Parliament of a bill which will have major constitutional implications… the bill is the product of a desire to respond to a demand to see something done, as the Government put it, rather than the outcome of a law-making process suitable for a bill with serious constitutional repercussions… The bill will accordingly have to be substantially recast. To do so under an accelerated passage is in our view wholly unacceptable given the questions of constitutional principle and detail that it raises… We are wholly unpersuaded by the Government’s case for this bill to be fast-tracked. There is an undoubted need to restore public confidence in the parliamentary system. It is not, however, clear to us that a cobbled together bill rushed through Parliament will help rebuild public trust; on the contrary, if Parliament cannot be seen to be scrutinising proposals with the thoroughness they deserve, public confidence in parliamentarians is likely to be further undermined. Governments should find the strength to resist falling into a temptation simply to see something done, which is no substitute for properly prepared policy and legislation.

Brown is BonkersAs the Lords say, it is a hastily cobbled together rush to “do something” – the wrong thing.  The report diplomatically describes the Prime Mentalist’s expenses announcement on YouTube as “constitutionally unorthodox”.  Stark raving mad would be many of his own backbenchers description.  The Kelly inquiry into MPs’ expenses from the Committee on Standards in Public Life won’t report back until the autumn.  It is carrying out wide public consultations.   This fast-tracked Bill is like something out of Alice in Wonderland, just as the Queen wanted ‘sentence first – verdict afterwards’, Gordon in Blunderland wants ‘legislation first, consideration afterwards’Bonkers.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Gordon’s Zero Growth Gaffe

Doh!  Dave’s jibe was spot on, today’s feeble performance at PMQs showed that Mandy’s touring of the studios this morning, instead of coaching the Prime Mentalist, resulted in a lamentable performance even by Gordon’s low standards.  Who did the coaching?  Ed Balls?

Courtesy : Crown Blog

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Jonah Brown Ejects 240 Jobs from Aircraft Seating Firm

Jonah ContourThe sorry state of the economy has been off the front pages of late, but make no mistake the fun and games of electing a speaker should not distract us from paying attention to soaring unemployment and deteriorating business conditions.

Business conditions which suffer under the ceaseless curse of visits from our jinxed PM. The tragedy that follows any visit by him to any shopfloor is endless. A few months ago the Prime Mentalist was accompanied on his visit to the Contour Premium Aircraft Seating factory by Welsh First Minister Rhodri Morgan, the very next month they announced 40 job losses. Today another 240 jobs are going. The curse of the one-eyed son of the manse casts its shadow…

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Mad Scots Meme Goes Trans-Atlantic

Mad Scots
brownbonkers 1Guido’s co-conspirators have made the comparison before, now the Daily Show’s Jon Stewart has spotted the similarity. One is famous on YouTube as a slightly bonkers Scot with tragic mental health issues and unruly hair, who ultimately loses and the other is a singer in a talent contest. Susan Boyle and Gordon Brown have a lot in common…

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Jonah Blights Bounce Back, Crushes Man United’s Hopes

Hull is not the most economically successful region in the best of times.  Nevertheless yesterday morning the Hull Daily Mail launched a campaign for economic optimism in the face of a recession.  The first edition announced the support of the Prime Mentalist himself for the paper’s ‘Bounce Back’ campaign:Hull Bounce Back

“We all have a part to play in helping our communities survive this difficult period and I am pleased to see the Mail galvanising support around local businesses with the launch of the Bounce Back campaign.

The 350,000 small businesses in the region are the lifeblood of the area’s economy.”

Inevitably the late edition of the Hull Daily Mail reported bad news for jobs and the local economy as the curse of Jonah Brown saw 349 jobs lost from a Hull food factory after Northern Foods announced plans to cease production at the plant.  All are cursed who take the words of the one eyed son of the manse…

UPDATE : If only Guido had noticed this he would have put his communion money on Barcelona. The Prime Minister’s Spokesman told the Lobby yesterday afternoon that

… the Prime Minister expected and looked forward to watching the match later today when he returned to Downing Street from his visit. Asked if he had sent a message of goodwill, the PMS said that it went without saying that he would always want a British team to win any such match.

Poor the reds…

Quick reminder of Jonah Brown’s cursing of British sporting internationals:

When England were knocked out of the 2006 World Cup against PortugalJonah was there. When they lost 2-1 at Wembley against GermanyJonah was there. When Scotland lost to Italy- Jonah was there. When England lost the rugby World Cup finalJonah was there.

Beware the curse…


Seen Elsewhere

Users of Gay Hook-Up App Grindr Infected | TechnoGuido
ISIS Raising Funds Online Using Bitcoin | TechnoGuido
UKIP’s Youth Challenge | BBC
ISIS Operative: This Is How We Send Jihadis To Europe | BuzzFeed
Shapps Defends Bashir Defection | Seb Payne
Tory Leadership Contenders Jostle Over Europe | Alex Wickham
Cutting Taxes is Good For You | Art Laffer
Suspects Will Now Have to Prove Innocence | Laura Perrins
Labour Cllr: Cops Shouldn’t Stop Petrol Thieves | HandF Forum
Creeping Cultural Acceptance of Anti-Semitism | Eric Pickles
Time For Greece to Leave Eurozone | Allister Heath


Rising Stars
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Boris on British Jihadis. Apparently based on MI5 intel:

“If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w***ers. Severe onanists. They are tortured. They will be very badly adjusted in their relations with women, and that is a symptom of their feeling of being failures and that the world is against them. They are not making it with girls, and so they turn to other forms of spiritual comfort — which of course is no comfort.”


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