Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Has Nick Brown Just Twittered the Election Date?

Ooops

Good spot by Tory Bear, this is apparently his first Twitter and is supposedly a genuine reply to Austin Mitchell MP.  Get ready, Nick Brown is one of Gordon’s most trusted confidantes…

UPDATE 12.10 : Nick Brown’s Twitter account has been deleted.  Think that suggests it was genuine.

Jonah Brown Visits Sellafield, Nuclear Leak Discovered

Jonah Goes NuclearThe Prime Mentalist visited Sellafield earlier this year (January 23). A report recently released by a Board of Inquiry reveals that on the very same day of his visit a radioactive leak was discovered.  Jonah’s curse goes nuclear.

Jonah World CupThe leak was classed as at “level two” on the Nuclear International Event scale – the highest at Sellafield in many years.  Not a good precedent for another international event – the World Cup.  This week Gordon held a photo opportunity to support England’s bid to host the 2018 World Cup.  So that is that jinxed, football definitely “won’t be coming home”…

Monday, May 11, 2009

Gordon Has His Own Powder Puff

Make UpThe Sun has got hold of  Gordon’s fashion tips.  According to a leaked typed guide sheet for the Prime Mentalist, his personal routine is;

1. Transparent Brush. Foam all over.

2. Small pot under eyes, dimple, creases, blend in.

3. Clinique. Super balanced make-up. All over again, like painting a wall, and ears. Shut eyes over lids then with make-up pad smooth over liquid.

4. Powder (dark brush) terracotta Guerlain, all over.

The mystery of  how Gordon ended up with a big orange blob on his forehead is solved…

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Day 2, Fightback Number 8

FightbackYesterday saw the beginning of another fightback for Gordon with him trying to get hold of the media narrative with a keynote speech on education.  Sky News covered Joanna Lumley speaking to a select committee in preference.  Prescott helpfully intervened – supportively pulling a face which he described as his impression of Gordon’s smile.  Guido wondered if it was in fact the face that Tracey saw at climax.  On Sky Breakfast this morning Eamonn Holmes and his guest (some kind of media adviser) were openly laughing at the Prime Mentalist.  Gordon’s twattishness is the only think we have to keep us smiling…

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Jonah Knocks Out More British Sportsmen

The Sun reported Gordon gushing “It’s going to be a tough fight but I know Ricky can beat anyone.  He will have the whole country behind him and I wish him the best of luck.” Ricky Hatton really didn’t need that  endorsement did he?

andy-murray-meets-gordon-brown1Hatton went down in the second round.  Out cold.

Andy Murray Meets Gordon BrownAndy Murray, Britain’s No. 1 tennis player, met  Jonah Brown in late April, the next week he crashed  out of the Rome Masters tournament in the first round. His worst result since last August. The curse struck again.

Fijime.comGlobally Gordon’s curse continues to wreak havoc in the third world.  The Fiji tourist board must be regretting ever seeking the endorsement of  the jinxed Prime Mentalist.  Guido has previously reported the effect on the local economy.  The Curse of the One-Eyed Son of the Manse has now seen Fiji suspended from the Pacific Forum due to the fact it hasn’t held elections.  Something Gordon has in common with the Fijian regime…

UPDATE : Nicola Burdett was hired from the BBC to prevent Gordon getting into embarrassing picture situations.  She must have had a day off today:

Gordon Swastika

Today was supposedly the beginning of the fight back…

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Sion Simon Does It Again

Sion Simon

He has now Tweeted:

Earlier I repeated a joke that was in poor taste, which I now regret. I apologise wholeheartedly for any distress or embarrassment caused.

That will win votes won’t it?  Insult the popular and much loved sensation of the moment.  His skills with video satire and political forecasting have been remarked on before.  He is best mates with Tom Watson, the Minister for Digital Engagement and Mudslinging.  It was Tom who encouraged Labour MPs to twitter.  When comes to twattishness, none can surpass Sion.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I’m the Prime Minister, Get Me Out of Here

The chamber fell about laughing after Gordon made a twat of himself forgetting he had a statement to make:

UPDATE : In reply to the statement Dave said: “Can I thank the Prime Minister for making his statement…it was a close run thing”.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Jonah Brown’s Mexican Wave of Tragedy

Guido suspects that President Asif Ali Zardari of Pakistan is no fool, he saw what happened to the Mexicans after their President, Felipe Calderon, shook hands with Jonah Brown.  He acted in Pakistan’s national interest, cancelling a scheduled meeting with the Prime Mentalist.  What was the upside for Zardari in shaking hands with the manic, mincing madman?  Cancelling the meeting was his patriotic duty.

Mexico CursedLast month innocent little President Felipe Calderon of Mexico led a full state visit to Britain.  He happily shook hands with Jonah, he dined with Jonah, he spent time with Jonah unknowing of the fearsome risks. Inevitably within a month the curse hit Mexico hard.   Plague has come in the form of Swine Flu, taking the lives of over a hundred Mexicans so far.

EpicentreThe prolonged proximity to the presbyterian pestilence has brought double tragedy for Calderon’s people.  Already reeling from the swinish plague, Mexico has suffered an earthquake of magnitude 5.6 on the Richter scale.

“I’m scared,” Sarai Luna Pajas, a 22-year-old Mexico City resident, told the Associated Press news agency.  “We Mexicans are not used to living with so much fear, but all that is happening – the economic crisis, the illnesses and now this – it feels like the Apocalypse.” Pity the undeserving victims of the accursed, one-eyed son of the manse…

Friday, April 24, 2009

Bonkers Brown Bruising in the Bunker

The financial newswire Bloomberg is not known for sensationalism, it has an in-house rule that unattributable reports have to be double-sourced.  So bunker watchers can be confident that this report from inside the Prime Mentalist’s bunker is more than just hearsay:

The strain shows, say current and former Brown aides: Among other things, it has inflamed a temper that has always been the subject of gallows humor among those who work with him, they say.  The prime minister, 58, has hurled pens and even a stapler at aides, according to one; he says he once saw the leader of Britain’s 61 million people shove a laser printer off a desk in a rage. Another aide was warned to watch out for “flying Nokias” when he joined Brown’s team.

The ‘News Sandwich’
One staffer says a colleague developed a technique called a “news sandwich” – first telling the prime minister about a recent piece of good coverage before delivering bad news, and then moving quickly to tell him about something good coming soon.

Michael Ellam, the PM’s spokesman told Lobby copy-takers on April 14 that the news of Smeargate had made the Prime Mentalist “furious”. Guido wonders if they noticed any signs of bruising on the spokesman?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Guess What Happened Next?

Police brutality is in the news again.  Here is Gordon being brutal towards a copper.  How can anyone watching this (video here) not think Brown is socially autistic?  The Prime Mentalist is an emotionally retarded weirdo.


Seen Elsewhere

The Douglas Carswell Shock | Tim Stanley
Carswell is a True Moderniser | Charles Moore
Assembling a New World Order | Henry Kissinger
India’s Modi Bypasses Mainstream Media | Index
Bercow on the Knife Edge | Quentin Letts
Welcome to Mississippi | Conservative Women
LibDems Select Hancock Replacement | Blue Guerilla
Carswell Resigning: “Moment Labour Won Election” | Labour Uncut
Why We Need Change | Douglas Carswell
The Howard Roark of Westminster | Guardian
Carswell, the Clacton Cassandra | James Ford


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Douglas Carswell…

“I stab people in the front, not the back.”



Owen Jones says:

We also need Zil lanes.


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