Monday, December 9, 2013

Free John Bercow

John Bercow has decreed that today’s Commons sitting will be devoted to honouring Nelson Mandela, though he has not always been such a big fan. Former Big Brother star Derek Laud, who was a member of the Monday Club along with Bercow, claims:

According to the club, Nelson Mandela was a “criminal” and “deserved” his prison sentence. I was alone in saying the opposite and John and his cohorts told me I only felt such a thing because I was black.”

Guido was having a little read of Bobby Freidman’s Bercow biography over the weekend. Let’s hope no one mentions the fact that Bercow was on very good terms with John Carlisle, the so-called “MP for Pretoria” who infamously said that “the system of apartheid in South Africa has worked in terms of government”. Carlisle said Bercow “broadly subscribed to what I was saying”:

“He used to ring me up to say, ‘Where are you going next, can I come?’ He knew what I was speaking on, my reputation, the opposition we would find… John would never have come on those trips if he hadn’t concurred with those views.”

On one occasion Carlisle was due to speak at the Cambridge Union, proposing an anti-sanctions motion. As the party made their way to the Union, they came across protesters waiting for them and amidst a sea of rotten eggs, Bercow started arguing back. “He loved it,” Carlisle recalls, “he was good on his feet and believed in the cause, he genuinely did.”

Let’s hope no one brings this up at Bercow’s special memorial event…

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Watson Votes With Tories Despite His Gambling Campaign

Yesterday Guido brought you Tom Watson’s Damascene conversion over fixed odd betting terminals, which he had backed while on the CMS Select Committee, but has recently taken up as his latest cause. Last night the people’s champion accidentally voted the wrong way – against restrictions – on the machines:

“So I supported the government on their report into Fixed Odds Betting Terminals. On most days few would  notice this act of tiny rebellion. Except this was the day in which I made the front page of the Daily Mail, leading the campaign against FOBTs. This week I’ve spent sleepless nights drafting campaign packs, model letters, petitions and press releases in order to gather support for the campaign against FOBTs and their corrosive impact in every High Street in Britain. So basically, this was about the most embarrassing vote I could make a mistake on.”

One in the eye for that image of a super-campaigner he has spent so long cultivating. A long lunch?

Monday, December 2, 2013

Lammy’s London Policy is Off the Rails

Fiercely bright London Mayor hopeful David Lammy has come up with an ingenious plan to help London’s commuters while on a fact-finding mission to Paris:

Guido cannot envisage a single problem with this plan. He’s sure Lammy has fully costed the proposal to widen and heighten all of those deep tube tunnels that would have to double in size.

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Prime Mentalist Flips Out at Whips For Being Made to Work

Tory MPs walking to the Tea Room report that Gordon has been loudly remonstrating Labour whips in their office so loudly that they could hear from the corridor. The former Prime Mentalist is apparently rather unhappy at being made to come back to vote, as he is paid to do, when the Tory army rebellion was beaten comfortably. One tells Guido he was “having an absolute barney”. It’s almost as if he’s an ex-politician resenting being made to represent his constituents… 

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

“Ex-Politician” Gordon Paid £349,501 in One Month

No wonder the Prime Mentalist has forgotten he is still an MP. In October alone he has declared payments for outside work of £349,501, including for speeches and junkets to Shanghai, Johannesburg, Monaco and New York. As ever Gordon warns the press:

“I am not receiving any money from this role personally. It is being held by the Office of Gordon and Sarah Brown for the employment of staff to support my ongoing involvement in public life.”

Presumably that’s the “ongoing involvement in public life” he cannot remember he is still supposed to be doing.

That “office” flies Gordon around the world first class and puts him up in five star hotels, refuses to disclose how much it gives to charity, how much it pays Sarah Brown, how much is sitting in its bank account for when he finally quits. Who does he think he’s kidding…

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

WATCH: Gordon Brown Forgets He is an MP

Gordon Brown, speaking to Mishal Husain and the Queen of Jordan in Qatar today, reveals he sees himself as an “ex-politician”. Someone should tell the people of Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath…

Friday, October 25, 2013

Sunny Hundal’s Greatest Hits
Proof the IDS Welfare-to-Work Reforms Working

So farewell then, Sunny Hundal. Liberal Conspiracy is soon to be no more. Sunny is closing it down because “there is just too much opinion out there”, he is off to lecture at Brian Cathcart’s world-renowned Kingston University. Proof that IDS’ policies are working. Welfare-to-work has succeeded in reducing Hounslow’s unemployment rate…

We’re going to miss him. So many precious memories:

There was the time he took to Twitter from his mum’s spare bedroom to stick up for Chris Huhne, at the time Guido was pushing the story:

There was the time he “exclusively leaked” the Coalition agreement, when it had already been published by the BBC and was officially available to download. When he celebrated the hospitalisation of someone he disagrees with. The time he dismissed the student protest violence at CCHQ, calling the Tories and police wusses. And when he got to the bottom of what losing the Bradford West by-election really meant for Labour:

Who can forget the the time he voted Green. The time he voted LibDem. The time he said vote Tory. All despite being Miliband’s biggest cheerleader.

Not to mention when he was ridiculed by the entire internet for trying to argue that all right-wingers are evil. When he set up a petition to debate in parliament something he didn’t want to be debated in parliament. And when Jim Naughtie told him to shut up. Finally, when he was named the 16th worst person on Twitter:

“He perfectly encapsulates the uselessness of political discussion in Britain. He isn’t even effective at the minor, inconsequential tasks he sets for himself.”

“We want to be the hub” of left-wing online collaborative politics, Sunny said grandly back in 2007. Turns out it’s just a one-man show. ‘Innit…

N.B. Feel free to add any other favourites from the Sunny back catalogue in the comments.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Prime Mentalist Going Loco Down in Acapulco

Parliament has a full schedule this week, so of course Gordon is instead jetting off to a Mexican party town to address a conference on the financial crisis. He has clearly brought the Curse of Jonah with him. Just this week Acapulco has been battered by storms and heavy flooding, if that wasn’t enough CNN reports on its recent “economic devastation”. It is also reportedly set to go bankrupt. Hurricane Jonah strikes again…

Thursday, October 17, 2013

Right-Wing Cornerstone Tories Slam “Muppet” Afriyie

Last night the greatest politician of this or any other generation tweeted:

However people in the room say this meeting was far from constructive. Guido is told that Bill Cash, Bernard Jenkins, John Hayes and Edward Leigh stuck it to Afriyie in no uncertain terms with the word “muppet” being thrown around about his EU referendum amendment. Euro-sceptic right-wing Tory MPs tell Guido that there is a growing consensus on the Tory benches that Afriyie has now blown his career so badly that he should stand down in 2015. “He won’t though, he still thinks he is a man of destiny”, says one.

Éoin Clarke is an Idiot (Part 94)

According to the Office of National Statistics in May 2010 UK unemployment increased to 2.51 million or a rate of 8%.

According to the Office of National Statistics in a release yesterday in August 2013 UK unemployment decreased to 2.49 million and the unemployment rate dropped to 7.7%

Éoin Clarke is an idiot…

UPDATE: A number of readers in the comments are asking “Who is Éoin Clarke?”. He is an idiot.

See also The Many Apologies of “Dr” Eoin Clarke


Seen Elsewhere

A Dozen Reasons to Be Cheerful | John McTernan
Political Bloggers Are Equal Opportunities Attackers | ConHome
Michael Gove Should Resign | Conservative Women
Sarah Wollaston’s Naming and Shaming of Bloggers | LibDemVoice
Fraser Nelson: Put Your Money on Ed Miliband to Win | Guardian
Guido Fawkes is Too Aggressive | The Times
Ditch Tobacco Plain Packaging | Grassroots Conservatives
What Farage, Boris and Rob Ford Have in Common | William Walter
Labour Spell New Adviser’s Name Wrong | ITV
Dave Stung by Jellyfish | Sun
City Minister’s Inheritance Tax Dodging Trusts | Indy


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Rod Liddle on the loony UN sexism special rapporteur:

“There is more sexism in Britain than in any other country in the world, according to a mad woman who has been sent here by the United Nations.

Rashida Manjoo is a part-time professor of law at Cape Town University in the totally non-sexist country of South Africa (otherwise known as Rape Capital Of The World).

Mrs Magoo has been wandering around with her notebook and is appalled by the sexist “boys’ club” culture here, apparently.

I don’t doubt we still have sexism in the UK. But is it worse than in, say, Saudi Arabia, d’you think, honey-lamb? Or about 175 other countries? Get a grip, you doolally old bat.”



orkneylad says:

What’s he been doing FFS, mining bitcoins?


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